Love In The Unexpected

CHAPTER 7

Amber hadn’t seen Luke since the day after the funeral 6 months ago. He had come to her flat at 8 am and had banged on the door whilst she was sleeping. He had looked so sad but had also seemed to have the kind of look that says I know what I’m doing. “Amber I’ve got to do this. God is the only one who can get me through this. I want to put him first again.” She had wanted to tell him not to go that she would help him but she knew this was beyond her only God could do it. “I’ll be back when I’m ready, maybe 6 months. I’ll miss you Amber look after yourself and put God first.” My phone will be off but I will switch it on at the end of every month so you can text to let me know you are doing ok.” “Look after yourself Luke, I wish I had the answers, I wish I did.” With tears in both their eyes they had hugged and she had bid him fare well. 6 months on she missed him dearly it felt like she had lost both her best friends and it was the most heart wrenching feeling. Austin had gone back to Birmingham after not being able to deal with the reminders of Nicole, they had been very close and he had not handled her death well. They had agreed to stay as friends, she really had been relieved when they went they separate ways. She thought about Luke again and prayed and hoped he was doing ok and they had sent each other text messages at the end of the month to check up and encourage each other. She thought about how kind Luke had been to her when she had come back from Manchester; she wanted to return the kindness so she would make sure that when he got back she would be there for him. Today was going to be a tough day she thought to herself she needed God’s grace. She was going to talk to her mum about her childhood and let her know that she forgave her. She needed to do it whilst the house was empty before the others came back from school. In the year she had been back she had fully restored her relationship with her siblings. She really wanted to help them stay on the straight and narrow path. They had all started coming to church with her and where attending the youth groups. She remembered how angry Jack’s eyes had been the first time she saw him. How her mother had said he was the school bully who always seemed to get suspended for one reason or another. How a year could transform someone, it turns out that the sweetest caring guy had been hiding under all that anger. His twin Chantal often slept over at Amber’s flat liking the absence from her mum and the fact that Amber could help her with her with her school work. She was preparing for her GCSE’s which where the most important exams a teenager could sit; Chantal was worried despite being a brain box. Amber had also taken up to teaching  Jack every weekend for a few hours, he was also sitting his GCSE’s and Amber wanted him to do well, she believed in the importance of education. Jack had been a virtual right off at school and it was clear that the teachers had no time for him and had written him off and any hope of a future. Amber was keen to see her siblings reach their potential. One of the reasons she liked her Job was because it wasn’t a 9 to 5 so it meant she could work at night if she wanted to. She took her car keys and said a silent prayer to God and then got into her car and drove to her mother’s. She stood outside the house as she always did trying to generate the courage to ring the bell before she quickly rung it. Mary-Anne opened the door and displayed a look of disinterest. Little Matthew ran up to the door to see who it was, when he saw it was Amber he jumped into her arms. “Amber, have you come to take me to the fun fair?” She held her youngest brother close to her and ruffled his hair, “Not today little man.” “Ahhhh that’s not fair.” He sulked before crossing his arms and stomping off. She smiled Matthew was so dramatic but she loved him to bits. “Have you come to take Matthew?” Mary- Anne asked. Amber shook her head and entered the house. Her mother annoyed her so much she never had a word to say to her the only time she spoke to her was when she thought Amber would babysit. Of course she liked looking after her brother when she was free, but what frustrated her was the fact that her mother would go and drink and do drugs during this time. She was genuinely worried about poor Matthew and would never forgive herself if he went through what she went through the worst thing was Chantal had told her that her mother had started taking drugs. She closed her eyes and sat down she had to get straight to the point. There was no easy way to put this. “Mum why did you hate me so much when I was growing up? Why did you choose that man over me? Why did you disown me for threatening to report Mike to the police? You saw what he did to me.” She noticed her voice was getting loud and confrontational and knew that no one responded to confrontation, so she lowered her voice. “Why mum I’m just here to put the past behind us and to lay it out in the open.” Marry-Anne looked at her daughter in anger. “How dare you come into my home and talk to me like that. You think you are some sort of big shot person. Well you are nothing in my eyes. Nothing Amber!” Amber cried out to her mum, “How can you be so evil mum, how can you be so evil, I’m your daughter your own flesh and blood.”  Mary-Anne stood up and started pacing. “Amber you ruined my life; I regret the day I walked out of the abortion clinic. Your father had paid for it and we were going to get rid of you and stay together. In a moment of weakness I ran out the clinic I couldn’t go through with it.” She stopped with her hands shaking she reached for her cigarette pack. She took one and shoved it through her thin lips before grabbing a grey lighter. She lit the cigarette and inhaled it deeply then let out a puff of smoke through her nose and mouth. Her face seemed to relax a bit after that so she let the cigarette dangle between her fingers then continued. “That bastard when he found out he left me. You think you had it bad, well I’ll tell you something; you don’t know how it was like to grow up in my estate. My mother abandoned me and I was raised by her sister. She was one mean woman and half the time I didn’t know why she kept me. You don’t know the things her boyfriends did to me. She watched them yet did nothing to stop them. You think you had it bad with Mike at least no one ever touched you the way those vile men touched me.” At this point emotions where running high. Mary-Anne was crying and Amber was shocked. Though she herself was crying she had never seen her mother cry. Both women cried as Mary-Anne continued. “I was a coward I should have gone through with it; I should have got rid of you. Your father didn’t hesitate to tell my Aunt about what I had done. She slapped me when she saw me. She told me I was a foolish girl and that she would not feed another mouth. I packed my bags and went off to find work. I worked as a waitress and managed to find a room to rent. When you were born my salary wasn’t enough to look after you. Prostitution was the only way. My friend said the money was good, and she was right. It was very dangerous and we worked in a brothel which was illegal. We lived in fear of arrest. Men used us, vulgar dirty old men but I had to find a way to survive, I did it for me and my baby. I was really popular with the clients so I figured I would make more money if I worked as an individual prostitute. So I started soliciting men I had my own territory I was one of the best prostitutes in east London. They called me candy floss because I was as sweet as sugar. Then I started to hate myself I felt so dirty and worthless, each time I saw your smiling face I bubbled up with anger. I started to resent you for ruining my life. I hated you with a vengeance, I stopped caring. I would leave you to cry and found it impossible to cuddle you. You where the reason I was in the dumps, the reason I hated myself, the reason I was alone. I missed my home, I missed being a kid, going out and doing fun things. I was 17 when you were born. My best friend went off to school I was stuck with you, no GCSE’s, no family nothing! I met Jamie’s dad when you were 4. He was a client, when I got pregnant I knew it was his because I hadn’t been with anyone else during that time. Let’s just say he was a regular. He was a married policeman, but he knew a thing or two about treating a woman right. He told me to leave prostitution. It’s a shame he never left his wife because he is only man I truly ever loved.” The room grew silent both women looked at each other. Amber couldn’t believe that her mother’s story was more horrific than hers. She couldn’t deal with this anymore. She stood up. “I’m sorry for what you went through mum, and I forgive you for what I went through.” She walked out of the door in a daze. This was way too much information for her to handle. She drove off in a daze and parked her car outside her flat. Putting her hands on her face she wept. She was woken from her emotional stupor by a familiar car that parked next to hers.