Survival

Alaric

I hate myself. I was stupid, I tried to kiss her. She doesn’t love me. Now I know. I should move on, hook up with Raine, and fall in love with an insurgent girl. It isn’t that simple. I have had my heart crushed before, but this time, I just know it will break me. Not having her will break me into a million pieces and I will not be okay. The worst feeling in the world is when you know you will never have the person you love. I could still have her beside me in this bed if I hadn’t tried to kiss her. But no, I did, so here I am lying in bed, with Raine. Sure Raine is pretty but she isn’t Skyrah. Her eyes are dull compared to her bright, alive ones. Her nose is too big and her lips are big and pouty. She is pretty, yes, but she isn’t for me. There is only one person good enough for me. Skyrah.

I barely slept that night. Every time I close my eyes I see her horrified face as I leant in and I hear her saying “I can’t do this right now”.

What does that even mean?

Maybe she means that maybe now isn’t the right time and I still have a chance. Maybe she means no. I don’t know. I woke up and showered. I don’t think I have ever been this clean in my life. I go downstairs for some breakfast. I am presented with a bowl of small rice puffs. They taste weird. I know exactly what Skye meant about the food. Most of it is delicious. But it isn’t real. Everything has just gone downhill since we came here. I wish we had just stayed outside. But I have responsibilities. Responsibilities that shouldn’t be mine, they shouldn’t be Skyrah’s, but things need to be done. I spent all day reading on Emory’s reading device. They are encouraged to read for an hour a day, but this isn’t enforced like all the other rules. I started reading a book called ‘Letting in the light’. I cannot read as well as the people in here. I read all day and I only made it to page 67. Although my parents did teach me to read, they taught me the basics and I still struggle. The book is amazing. I want this to be the future. I want Creptium to be a place where everyone is treated equally and people can be themselves. Something they would have never experienced before. I wonder if these people have any sense of identity. Days passed like this. Reading, everyone ignoring each other. Horrible silence. Until it came to Friday, the day before the banquet. Astraea turned up at around six in the evening. I opened the door to her.

“I need to show you guys some stuff” she says proudly.

“Okay” I say and she leads me to the couch. She unzips a large bag and lays down a grey suit onto the table. There is a black shirt that looks padded.

“The shirt has a bullet proof vest sewn onto the inside, it is a fairly thin vest but is made from an extremely strong material” Astraea explains “The trousers are just simple grey suit pants, nothing special, the suit jacket has two pockets on the inside by your chest, one is big enough to hold a hand gun and the other is big enough for a few throwing knives” she says.

“This is great Astraea” I say smiling for the first time in a few days.

“The shoes are just simple combat boots but they have steel plating on the inside so that if your foot gets shot you should be protected” she says running her fingers along the top of one of the boots “And finally, your mask” she says handing me a simple black mask that covers my eyes and my nose, there is black ribbon attached to either side so you can tie it up.

“Thank you” I say.

“It’s okay” she says happily.

“Ooh me next!” Raine says excitedly. Astraea removes a black dress from a bag. It is short and fairly tight, it is grey and has a sort of curved black cross that travels to the bottom of the dress.

“I love it” Raine squeals.

“The cross is made of a bullet proof material, it covers your heart and most other vital organs, and I have made sure you have boots, the sides are wide enough to fit a gun in each shoe” Astraea says.