Gumlee Smut book!

Author Note(Please Read)

Okay hey guys. Um. So Summer's been here for a few days. I haven't updated for a while.. Mostly because of a lot of things going on, school drama which was painful to deal with and have that on my back. Um.. I'll probably explain it more later.
But, since I was gone, my mom found out about some things. So I'm back in therapy. Once a week. Which is good because I'm trying to get help but it's hard to talk about my emotions and such.
Um... My dads back for the summer he came home earlier for my sisters graduation. So he has to leave earlier which is sad but probably good for him. Mostly cause the humidity is messing with his breathing. He made a joke about it the other day he was like "Well my body has shit the bed, lung cancer and now my fuckin knees hurt and my elbow hurts and my fuckin feet are swollen."
So I said "You've been disrespecting the plants." Cause we were planting plants.
And he just laughed.
Kinda funny and then the rest of the day I would just randomly say "Stop disrespecting the plants. "
But anyways, so the thing at school. I don't know if I already told you guys this but their was an incident at school where I was told to kill myself. Now, I'm not going to say any names because they're going to most likely deny  and yell at me even though they already admitted to me via text.
Anyways, after that I began to notice because I'm so fucking stupid. I began to notice every time they would say something mean.
Like "Oh your such an idiot" or "Stop even trying,  you suck."
They would just get my mood down. Now, I already am handling the situation but... I don't know. Since then , well my self esteem has always been below zero and now it's even worst because I know a lot of people want me to die. But, after that individual had said that multiple times and I had finally called them out for it.. Not in a nice way and I'm sorry if that I individual is reading this. I would like to give them one message.
I just want a real apology. Not one from text and I don't want you to act like everything's fine. And when I told you that you wouldn't even blink twice if I killed myself you didn't reply to that message so I would just like to know if that's true.
I know you probably have blocked me. And I hope to god that your not following me.
Because I am sick of you and many other people at school talking behind my back.
I don't want to ruin your life. And I definitely don't want you to ruin mine but mine already fucking sucks. I definitely don't want you to go around saying that to people.
Like when you said "I wouldn't have said that to someone. Especially people like you."
Did you mean suicidal people or like selfharmers.. Because you should have meant real people. People who have feelings.
I don't know if this author note is just a vent to tell you guys how I've been feeling or just a way to not have to destroy myself to feel better.
And to be honest with you guys... This individual has made me want to end my life. Many people have. But I know from the bottom of my useless heart that it wouldn't be their fault. It would be mine for overreacting.
Now.. I'm sorry if you guys are tired of hearing me go on and on. I'll try to update more but... I'm really... Sick of myself. And I don't think that a good thing..
I know I'm annoying and useless so don't worry about it and please don't be disappointed in me if I stop updating because of what's going on... Enjoy your summer and I'm sorry if your still in school..
Have a good rest of your day and sorry for bothering you.
Also... If you having troubles of anything like suicidal thoughts or self harm I want to let ou know that your not alone and I am more Hhee open to talk to. Also, I would want you to talk to your parents or a close friend and ask them to help you because I didn't and I made a big mistake of wearing too many long sleeves so my mom caught on because it had happened before, the first time I got my therapist. But.. It's hard for her  or him to find out in that way. And I want to let you know that they love you and they wouldn't be disappointed. I know that's why I still don't want to take my sweatshirt off even though it is so hot around this time because I don't want to disappoint my family. But... I just wanted to let you know that my private messages are open for anyone who wants to talk. If I don't respond, don't worry it's probably me forgetting about my notifications.
Anyways, have a good rest of your day.

-Author lol