Hiraeth

ii

Machine Gun Kelly ft. Bun B & Dubo- What I do 

After the worst first day ever, Carter watched her new self-destructive partner walk out of the building like his ass was on fire. She began to put her things away to call it a night when the chief called her into his office. The last thing she wants is to talk to anyone. A cold shower, a glass of wine, and her latest obsession book in hand is all she needs right now. To get lost in another world. A better one.

"I know you're headed out. I just wanted to thank you for today,"

"Don't, we've all been there," she shrugged without looking up at him.

"Yeah, you more than others. So accept my gratitude," he placed a gun and a badge in front of her. "These are for him. Give them to him when he shows up tomorrow,"

"He's not coming in tomorrow," she stated, sitting back looking at the badge. She had worked really hard on to get it.

"You don't know that," but she does. 

Carter knows the look her new partner gave her. It's the same look she had given herself in the mirror many times throughout the years. The same torment behind the belief of a justified excuse. There's always an excuse. That's what all of this is. A bunch of filthy excuses.

"Chief, trust me when I say that man isn't going to come in tomorrow. He might not come in for a few days. What happened to him?" he sat back almost as if he were seeing the woman in front of him for the first time. Is this a spark of life he's seeing in her? Can this girl be empathetic?

"His partner was killed a few months ago. Drug bust. He spiraled. His wife left him took everything with her. Can't see his kids until a judge says otherwise. He has nothing, Carter,"

"Why would you put this on me, Anthony?" she asked angrily smacking her hand on the desk. Maybe the thought crossed his mind a little too soon.

"Because, you've never had any real responsibility, kid. You are a spoiled child and it's my fault. So, I'm fixing what I did by giving you what I took on when I met you,"

"I was never like that," she argued.

"No, kid. You were never like that," he agreed as she took the gun and the badge. She opened the door to leave. "You were so much worse,"

She paused for a second and looked back at her mentor. She didn't say a word to him as she walked out and got in her car tossing Wright's things on the passenger seat. She looked over at the seat remembering the distant look he had in his eyes as he ate. The coldness in the way he joked and laughed. Had she really been that bad before? Is she still?

The next two days passed with no sign of her new partner. The chief would walk out and look at her wondering how the hell she knew he would be a no-show. He called the guy and was close to calling the feds to let them know he hadn't shown up. A worry for his new responsibility is starting to grow and gain weight on his shoulders.

"Don't call," Carter said when she walked in the third morning to see his empty desk. The chief looked up at her wondering how she would know he was itching to make the call.

"I have no choice. He could be dead for all we know," he sighed. She looked down at his desk knowing that it was time he was brought back in. 

"That man was dead before they brought him here. I'll get him here, Chief," 

He grabbed her wrist to which she responded with pulling away aggressively. She might respect the hell out of this man but he wouldn't lay a hand on her. He put his hands up in surrender.

"How do you have all the answers all of a sudden?" he asked.

"You've been pretending to save me for so long that you've forgotten what you're real objective is. You don't tell someone to do something without observing who they are. Watch, listen, evaluate. You told me that once. Is that how it is with you? Do as I say not as I do?" she asked him. He stepped back letting her walk away.