The Whistling Kettle

Loss

A/N: I watched an animatic of 'Congratulations', a deleted song from Hamilton, and this was the result.

"The night we met," Alfred said, the usual volume and spirit in his voice now dwindling like a dying flame, "I remember thinking...I remember thinking that finally, finally, I had found someone like me, someone who would understand."

Arthur was quiet, the lights in his study low and warm, casting a blanket of false security across the room. Letters piled high on his desk, few opened and dozens sealed, many still burning in the fireplace. He was silent, his tender gaze having turned quickly to Alfred as the words had left the other's lips after many moments of heavy silence.

"When we talked- God, Arthur - When we talked...It was like everything just snapped into place, like I could finally breath after a whole life of holding my breath." Alfred gasped, his tone almost unbelieving of his own words as he laughed a light, breathless laugh, "And it suddenly made sense, everything just made sense because you were there, you were talking and laughing and I could feel this weight lifting off my shoulders because I knew that you could be something extraordinary to me."

Arthur was speechless- a very rare occurrence for him. He was a scholar of profound skill, his writings and his words were held on the highest of pedestals that both lame man and aristocracy alike couldn't help but marvel at. His name was spoken in refined courts and within the hallowed halls of dignified libraries and universities, praised to the high heavens for his conjuring of sentences and artistic formation of paragraphs.

And yet here he sat, speechless, the only sound from him being the harsh thumping of his restless heart.

There were tears in those sapphire eyes now, and yet the hopeless, quivering smile stayed on his lips, "I wanted you so badly Arthur. I wanted right then to just ask for your hand and take you as far as I could, but then I saw Matthew," Alfred choked on his words, the tears now clinging to his thick lashes as they neared their fall, "The way he looked at you! The way he grabbed my arm and asked for your name! I-I couldn't just say no to him, I never have! The one thing, the one thing in my whole god damn life that I wanted to keep to myself-"

He stopped himself there, a white-gloved hand covering his mouth as he used the other to lean himself against the mantle over the roaring fire. The light caught his tears as they rolled down his tanned cheeks in thick, careless drops before splattering across the wood floor beneath him.

It had always been unspoken. Arthur had felt it too when they met: that sudden halt of the heart and escaping of a shallow breath. He had met those bright blue eyes from across the ballroom and something inside of him flipped that night, turning and swirling about far more than any of the dancers that graced their way across the floor. It was a magnetic pull, a compelling drive to just speak, to just know his name and hear a voice he had never heard that pushed Arthur to his side that night. His laugh was thunderous, his wit as quick as lighting; Alfred was a storm that Arthur never wanted to pass.

But then Matthew was there, looking so hopeful and Alfred just smiled and handed him to Arthur as though he had just placed some delicate heirloom in his hands, never wavering as he introduced his brother. Arthur had thought he had been the only one to feel that strong attraction, and for a moment the gleaming light of hope that had shined in his heart flickered out, and he forced his gaze from azure to violet.

"I almost wish I had been selfish. That way I would be the one to suffer through this, not Matthew."

Arthur rose from his seat and rounded his desk, hesitating for a moment before he approached the man at the mantle.

"When I heard about what you'd done- no, when I read about what you'd done, I boarded the first ship here." Alfred said, now a little more composed.

"I'm glad you came, Alfred. I-"

"I'm not here for you." He hissed so quietly the words were almost lost to the crackling of the fire. But Arthur still heard, and he froze.

"Everything I've done! Every sacrifice I've made has been for him!" Alfred cried out, the sorrow in his eyes as grand as the fury as he grasped the collar of Arthur's jacket and rose him to his toes, "So don't you ever speak another word to me about what you've lost!"

With those words he pushed Arthur to the ground, letting him land close enough that the fire seeped instantly through his ruffled layers. Silently, he took off his glasses and rubbed the tears from his eyes, steadying his breath as he continued to glare down at the speechless Englishmen before him.

"If you ever think about pulling something like this again, I'll see to it that you don't have anything left to lose."

He left the study, leaving Arthur with only the crackling flames and the sickening feeling of having one less person on his side.