texting// luke hemmings

14

it was finally time to end my fun with the 5sos boys. i dreaded this day. being with them has made me feel more like myself than i have in a while. i was up all last night thinking about what the next step with luke and i would be. i knew i had feelings for him, but he has arzaylea and apparently a child on the way too.

thoughts continuously wandered my brain. is the child even luke's? is it one of the other boys'? is it all publicity? honestly, who knew with that tramp.

i know i shouldn't say shit like that, but who's gonna hear it if i just say it in my head.

i haven't directly asked luke about it yet. should i even ask? is that a bitch move? i don't know. maybe i should talk to calum alone and see what he thinks, or if he can tell me something.

i didn't want to waste my last day with the boys fighting or bringing up something unnecessary. but i needed to know. to know something. anything.

i checked my phone that was charging on the nightstand next to the bed that luke and i were sharing. 4:32 am.

why can't i ever get a full fucking 8 hours. or 20, which is my personal preference.

i got up from the bed slowly, careful not to wake luke up. sure enough, a sleepy eyed luke stared up at me.

"where are you going?" he whined and wrapped himself around my torso.

"to pee, baby." i said, and stroked his messy hair.

oh shit. i did not mean to call him baby. fuck, he's gonna get mad.

"what?" he asked.

"uh, nothing."

i quickly got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door.

"stupid! stupid! stupid!" i quietly yelled at myself, hitting my forehead with the palm oh my hand.

"emily, you know he has a girlfriend. and a fucking child on the way! what is wrong with you!"

ugh. i sighed and slowly sunk to the floor. i put my face in my hands and just sat there for a while. then there was a soft knock on the door and the door know jiggled.

"em?" it was calum.

i got up and unlocked it and sat back in my place on the bathroom floor.

the door quietly opened and a sleepy calum sat down next to me.

"what's up?" he asked.

"nothing, just sitting here." i responded, staring at the tiled floor.

"why are u sitting in the bathroom?"

"why not?" i questioned.

"i heard what you said to luke," he paused.

shit. how did he hear that? he was at least 5 feet away. did i really say it that loud? FUCK.

"you know, he feels the same emily." calum whispered to me.

my heart fluttered at his words.

"how do you know?" i asked, curiously.

"the way he talks about you, dude. he's never talked so good about anyone like that before you. he's had a lot of girlfriends and has met so many people around the world, and not once have i heard anything close to how he speaks of you." he smiled.

my heart was racing so fast i could feel it in my throat. did he really like me? or did he just like me that much as a friend?

"calum, i need to talk to you." i said, on the verge of spilling all of my thoughts about arzaylea and their child.

"i'm all ears, em."

i asked him everything i wanted to know. about arzaylea and luke's relationship, and about their child. and if it was his or if it was staged. and if it wasn't luke's, then whose was it? and if they were actually friends before or if they're just friends now.

my vocal thoughts so easily found their way to calum's ears, he stared at me contently, listening closely to my words. and after everything was out, i had noticed that i had started to cry. i wiped away my new found tears, and stared at calum. he just sat there, processing.

and after a few moments he stared at me. "i can't really tell you a lot about this emily, but i can answer a lot of your questions. i just, i'm not really suppose to tell anyone, but i trust you, and i know how long this has been bothering you," calum started. i stared at him in need of the information.

"luke and arzaylea were friends before they were 'dating' and they're only friends now. arzaylea's manager and our manager put this whole plot together. luke and arzaylea would be together for a while, but then overall end things after a year or so. her pregnancy wasn't expected though. and as of our knowledge, the baby is luke's." the last sentence that came out of calum's mouth ripped my heart in two.

luke really has a child on the way. with her.

i tried to open my mouth to talk, but no words came out. luke is going to be a father.

the only thing that flooded my mind was that i wanted it to be me. i wanted to be arzaylea. she had luke and she also had something that would bound him to her for the rest of his life. i wanted to be the mother of his child. i loved him. i would do anything for him. i would be there for him and i would love him and our child unconditionally. if it had been me, and not her.

i cried harder, and calum pulled me into his chest.

"i know it's hard right now, emmy. but i promise it'll get better, it'll all be okay." he said, softly, and rubbed my back.

"it's never g-going to be the same a-again, cal. our relationship." i said, through my tears.

i would never be able to call luke mine. he had a full life ahead of him. his band, tours, a model girlfriend, and a child. and what did i have? nothing. i had nothing.

these boys were like my anchor, especially luke. and maybe he would keep me around, but if he did, it'll only be a few months. once his child is born, i'll be nothing to him, i'll be just another fan in their stadium, wishing and praying and hoping.

"i love you. calum." i said, and hugged him tightly.

i needed to leave. to leave this room, this hotel.

i rushed back into the hotel room and grabbed all of my clothes that i saw.

"emily, what are you doing?" calum whispered to me

"leaving."

"em, you need to at least say goodbye. we won't see you for a long time." he said, sadness filling his brown eyes.

"i can't, cal. i just can't look him in his eyes and pretend everything's alright." i said, wiping more escaping tears from my face.

"okay, i understand." calum said, handing me one of my shirts from the floor.

i zipped my bag and looked at luke. he looked so peaceful. how could a dickhead like him look so peaceful? how did he sleep at night knowing he was lying to me? playing with my feelings?

i looked over to calum, who was also staring at luke, with a look of disgust on his face.

i walked to calum, and pulled him into a tight hug. "thank you. for everything, cal. have fun on the tour, and keep me updated." he nodded his head against my neck.

"i love you, em. be safe." he said, his eyes filling with tears.

i walked over to ash and mike and gave them a small kiss on the head. "bye guys. be safe."

i unlocked the hotel door and was about to leave, until i heard calum start to cry. i've never seen him cry before.

don't look back. don't look back. don't look back.

more tears filled my eyes, as i walked down the hallway.