In The Dark

I am real

"Oh no, this is not happening again" say Mila taking a deep breath and looking everywhere except at Sara. This can't be happening again. Not now when she is trying to get better. Closing her eyes and trying to calm her breathing, filling her self-getting all anxious again. She decided to turn around. Maybe she will disappear if she doesn't see her. Mila thought to herself.

"This is just a figment of my imagination. You are not real, you are not standing in front of me, yo-"

"What do you mean I am not real? I am very fucking real Mila." Surprise by Mila outburst Sara decides to step closer slowly. Not wanting to startle her or cause her to lose control of herself. She has seen this happen before and is not a pretty sight.

"N-o no-no," said Mila raising her voice but you could hear the desperation in her tone. The way she stutters the words out and the way she was trembling. Breathing in and breathing out she decided to continue. If she was talking to a ghost well at least she could get out everything from inside of her. Good therapy, right?

"This has happened before. You come looking for me but when I reach for you, to touch you, to feel you... you disappear and leave me alone again." Letting a sigh, she continues "and honestly I can't keep doing this... is killing me."

Taking a risk and slowly pressing her body against Mila's backside. Sara wrapped her arms around her body pulling her impossibly closer and whispering in Mila's ear.

"I am very real Mila, touch me. I am here. I am here, and I am real." Sara keeps repeating herself like a broken record hoping that Mila realizes that she was standing there, hugging her in the middle of the living room. Tentatively bringing her hands to touch Sara arms that wrapped around her. Holding her breath in preparation of feeling Sara disappear like she has many times, she touched her arms. Opening her eyes when she realizes that Sara was there. Holding her, touching her... she was real. Her mind wasn't playing games with her this time. Holding a sob Mila let herself relax in Sara's arms like she has done so many times in her life.

     A lot of thoughts were going through Sara's head but the most important was how much she has missed this, holding her, sharing body heat just being close to somebody but not just anybody. Her. Months have passed since the last time Sara saw her and it kills her being away from her. Things didn't get easier when Mila left and Sara feeling for her didn't suddenly disappear. Sure, getting reckless in mission and taking her anger fighting help a little. But getting new bruises every week, waking up with a killing headache and getting almost kill was too much.

     But tell me what would you do if you got a glance of your lover's future and you weren't part of it? You are not supposed to mess with timeline especially your own but for once Sara wanted to play her cards right and change the direction of Mila's future for her own selfish reason. But she couldn't do that to her. She spends too many nights contemplating what to do, rolling around the bed and not sleeping well. Mila asked her so many times about what was going on and if she was having nightmares again. Sara had to lie, she told her that the nightmares were coming back frequently, and Mila decided to hold her closer every night since they talked. Making sure that Sara felt save and making it harder for Sara to take a decision. That fucked Sara up, not being able to talk about it with her was difficult since Mila was the number one person that Sara would go to for help or when she didn't know what to do anymore. So, Sara did what she knew best. She started to distance herself. First, it started with assigning the mission and making sure that Mila wasn't in her team. Then by going to bed late always making an excuse not to go while Mila did. It was always something along the line like "Ray needs my help with a prototype. I have to go and make sure Mick doesn't burn the kitchen again or giving a fighting lesson to Zari."