Indifferent

Chapter 1

I could never be forgiving. I’m too wary of people for that. So, I’m going to let into my life. Not much. Just enough to let you know what scarred me so.

Here we go.

That summer, it had been unusually hot. The sun was shining, birds were chirping. The residents of Eleonora Park Reserve retreated into the shade of their home, windows open, trying to catch a non-existent breeze.

I trudged out into the heat of the blaring sun, and scanned the lawn. The once thriving petunias were caked in dried dirt. The grass lay hopelessly yellowed. The whole town neglected their chores. Up and down the street, rubbish was sprawled across the road. Letters were jammed into already full mailboxes. I went and checked my own. The usual. A postcard from my Uncle Edmund:

Dear Valec Family,

I hope the letter finds you in good health... I am currently on a cruise for over 60s...awfully fun, mind you...I am told the weather...

I got bored after a few sentences.

I flipped through another bill, then another, then another - well, you get the picture. At last, I found a letter addressed me. Excitedly, I tore it open. I never got mail. I vaguely registered the silky paper, or the way it shone in the sun. I was dimly aware that the smell of the paper was like the sea, and apple juice, making me drowsy. I took in the cursive writing spilling over the page, like water leaking through a dam.

Dear Kani,

I'm sorry you had to die this way.

I dropped the letter, but by the time it hit the ground I was already in the house, door slamming shut.

Panicked tears flooded down my chin.

My mind racing at the speed of light, slump onto the cold floor of my room to think. I need to think. I’m not being rational.

It’s probably a joke, I thought, just someone’s idea of a sick joke.

After repeating this to myself for hours, I fell into a restless sleep.                                          

  •••                                                           

I dreamed I was in a subway tunnel. I was walking in between the tracks, twisting and weaving through an endless maze until finally, I was so lost, I sat down.

“Given up so quickly? Disappointing. I expected more from you, Kani Valec.”

The voice receded, leaving only a sea of endless shadows.

It’s hard to explain. The voice had left me so hopeless. Frozen in fear. Like metal scraping on concrete, or bones breaking, or babies crying, but somehow, all at once. Only later, did I ask myself how the voice new my name.
I'm tired and scared.
I know I will die.
And I can hardly breathe.