More Than Just A Scraped Knee (A Grey's Anatomy Fanfic)

As I Go On

    I reach for my own breath as I realize what I've done, something I had always sworn that I would never do. I had taken a side and yelled at my mom, I said that I hated her.

A few moments earlier

   "Mom! I can't deal with this anymore! It's YOUR fault Dad left, YOUR fault that we might lose Zola, and YOUR fault that our life is in total disarray! I hate it and I HATE you!"

----

 She stood there, mouth agape. "Mom I-"

"I heard what you said."

"Mom-" My voice broke into a thousand pieces.

"Amity, I thought you would help me but clearly-"

"Mom, I didn't mean it,"

"Go Amity, just go-" I held my breath and tears.

"Fine," I spit with a poison that was burning my soul.  

      I stepped away and walked with a pure hatred of myself, of course I screwed up again. It's only natural. As I stepped into the elevator and heard my father's name called over the PA I let myself begin to ball. As I approached my desired floor I collected myself and took a deep breath, I just need to survive until I reach Calden. He could fix me.

     I string together a smile that could fool anyone as long as their stare doesn't linger. I see a nurse taking blood.

"What's happening?"

"Oh, Amity! They're just taking some tests," I wish I could unsee the worry behind his eyes. Unsee the worry behind the nurse's eyes. 

"What for?" I knew the answer, I knew.

"Amity, babe, the cancer...it's back," My whole world had gone from collapsed to shattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~SKIPS AN ENTIRE SEASON AGAIN BECAUSE I SUCK. SORRY.~~~~~~~

I smile into his lips. It was a rare moment of peace where he wasn't neuseas, we were alone, and I had a break. Of cousrse we were on our toes, but if life gives you a hospital room and rare alone time as two teenagers you makeout. Him being a 16 year old on the brink of death and I being an anti social 15 year old makes us quite the under-dog power couple. I heard the door handle begin to shake, we pull apart and I sit up to eat the rest of my fruit salad. My dad walks in.

"Hi, sweetie. Calden," There was a distaste that was aimed towards Calden. Apparently him dying didn't have much of an effect on my father and his little girl dating someone. 

"Hi daddy," I say smiling, trying to hold back a giggle. "What do you need?"

"I was just wondering if in the last couple hours your mom had made a -"

"No, she has not." I looked down, this choice was causing plenty of tension among the attendings. He walked out and in place a nurse walked in to do a blood transfusion. My lunch break was over so I found my dad, as I was on his service. 

     I walked into the attendings meeting and took my place. Hunt had made it clear that Avery was a catch, Tulane and Emory pining after him. Not exactly surprising. 

"Grey?" Hunt turns and looks at my father and I expectantly.

"Uh, still between Boston and Seattle," I look down again, this was not attention that I wanted.

"If I'm going to lose my top residents, neurosurgeon , and intern I'd love a decision sooner than later," Hunt demanded with a thick accent of annoyance. 

"So would we," I huff.

"Yang?" 

"Well she didn't tell you?" Mark questioned.

"Uh, Stanford and columbia are playing hardball, but I'm confident that we are still in the mix," Teddy states regarding her prized resident. She was definitely not confident.

 They begin talking about the not as bright and shiny residents that I've only had to work with on few occasions. Thank god.

"Well, Karev is staying," Arizona proudly declares, as if he were a trophy won. In her defence he kinda is. She had raised an incredible peds surgeon. Hunt's marker squeaked as it continued to write.

"If we are out this many surgeons I'm going to need to hire now, so let's get answers from our people as soon as possible," I roll my eyes, I was just as anxious as him. "And let's not forget, we've agreed to help Boise Memorial with their conjoined twin surgery, so make sure your teams are ready to leave from the lobby no later than 10 tomorrow night," I was about to head out the door when "Oh- A Shepherd, are you going?" With more than one Grey or Shepherd in a room it was easier to call me that, "No," "You are now, it's a good teaching opportunity for our best and brightest intern," I nod as a thanks and rush out to get back to surgery related issues.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'll meet you downstairs dad, I'm just gonna go check on Calden," He nods.

As I approach his room I see nurses flood his room with the sound of a failing heart monitor. I stop dead in my tracks. I hear his mother sobbing and see both of his parents being ushered out. I run into his room past the nurses trying to blockade me. The doctor on call stops compressions. 

"Time of death, 20:35." 

"No," I say in a small voice. My heart felt weak as my tears began to pour. "He-he, he was fine this morning," I say in the same way. I see the nurses trying to pull me away but at the same time they feel worlds away. I distantly hear his parents sobs and screams. I felt everything ripping apart inside of me. They say first love is supposed to hurt, but damn this was so much worse than anything I had ever felt before. I distantly hear my dad's voice and feel myself walking but it was as if I were in some kind of trance. 

      I hear loud noises and I'm suddenly pulled back into the universe. A bunch of 5th years were partying in my living room. My dad had to go back to the hospital because he had some surgery so he called mom over. 

"Hi honey," She says to me. 

"Calden's dead," I say. Everything aside from the music goes silent. Mom stops the music. I wasn't even that loud.

Everyone took that as a cue to leave. I went into the kitchen and found a bottle of vodka and mixed it with some type of soda. As I was about to take a sip my mom grabbed it from me.

"Sorry but no,"

"Hey!" I shout, my first time above an echoey whisper all night.

"If you were 21 I might let you drink your problems away but not now," 

"Mom! Give it back," I fight, ignoring her words. She dumps it down the sink as I protest. She hugs me tightly enough to where i can't push away despite my best efforts. I collapse into her arms and let myself cry. I stop resisting for now. I stop. 

    ~~~~~~~~

    I wake up in my mother's arms on the couch. My mind feels blank with only a feeling that something is off. I grab a towel from the linen closet and get into the shower, then the events of yesterday hit me like a bus. I sit in the shower due to lack of energy to remain standing. Shampoo begins to sting my eyes but it doesn't bug me. I'm not sure how much time passes before I finish my shower and carry on as if nothing is wrong.

   I feel the steel walls build around me as I put my hair up. I see it in my own eyes. I'm not letting that happen to me, ever again. 

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I finally updated, go me! So I'm going to work really hard to get the next chapter up ASAP but I was wondering if you guys wanted to know more about me? So in the comments leave your thoughts and any questions you have about me, Amity,  inspiration, or anything. Have an awesome (Whatever it is in your time zone)!