Learn to accept yourself

»Chapter 20

Sara's POV

I liked this new arrangement we had. Louis and I had swapped, I moved in with Harry and Louis moved in with hanna. I could honestly saw we were all ok with the agreement.

When I walked in I smiled seeing the baby scan picture stood up on the mantle piece, I found myself thinking more about Harry during the scan more then the actual baby. Harry had held my hand the whole way through and when the baby came up on the monitor he couldn't stop smiling, I didn't miss the way he was near tears even the woman performing the scan commented on how proud he looked.

When we arrived back Hanna wasn't back and neither was Louis, so Harry and I spent some time in the garden talking about the baby, he kept his hands on my stmach the whole time as I sat in between his legs as we leant against the fence.

Now as we lay in bed covered with just a thin bed sheet, my small baby bump was visible, I wasn't huge but it was noticeable indefinetly.

Harry's hands ran up my sides and back over my stomach again, he stopped for a moment and rolled so I was laying on top of him, his hands ran down my back and then back up as he kissed my neck like he hadn't seen me in along time.

I grabbed his hands and pulled them away from my body, pinning them back on to the pillow, but he fought and pulled them back away so I pushed myself away from him.

"Are you alright?" He asked sitting up to look at me.

"I don't like it when you touch me like that, it makes me feel..." I trailed off knowing he'd tell me I was being stupid.

"Feel what?" He asked taking my hand.

"It makes me...feel fat and ugly." I didn't expect Harry to laugh and couldn't help but feel a little hurt by it.

"Why would you think that?" He asked squeezing my hands. "You are not fat, and you most certainly are not ugly. I can't keep my hands off of you because you are so beautiful, you were beautiful before the baby, but this...it's in a completely different way, you really don't know how sexy that bump makes you look."

I shook my head completely disagreeing with him, it felt like he was lying and just trying to make me feel better and I hated it. I hated the feeling of not being able to trust him and it wasn't even his fault, he hadn't done anything to hurt or upset me.

"Sara. You look amazing, eveything about you is beautiful and just standing next to you makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world, I don't understand why you feel the way you do." He studied me for a moment and something in his mind just seemed to click into place. "Is this about you or the baby?"

I took a deep breath but that didn't stop the tears falling. "What if there's something wrong with the baby, what if I'm a really bad mum and the baby grows up to hate me, I don't even know how to look after a baby!" I sobbed covering my face with my hands.

"Hey, come on that's enough." Harry said pushing his arms around me so I could bury my face in his neck, my tears running down his bare chest. "There's nothing wrong with the baby, the scan shows that and to be perfectly honest there isn't anything in our family that could be past down so the little one should be perfect. You will never be a bad mother and the baby will never hate you..."

"...Some women, their motherly instincts just kick in. I know now you won't ever be a bad mum you'll be wonderful and this child will be one of the luckiest people in exsistance, I promise you, these worries are just in your head and you'll see it soon."

I smiled and sighed squeezing Harry's waist as I let out a shakey breath. "Why are you so good at this?" I asked rhetorically.

"Must just be part of that Tomlinson charm." He chuckled pulling me back and wiping away my tear tracks. "Thought of any baby names yet?"

I couldn't help but giggle as I nodded. "It's a bit early but I've considered it."

"Enlighten me." Harry said laying down, I noticed immediately how his hand didn't roam like before it just stayed on my hip. "Little boy first I've considered Oliver, Lyle and even Malcolm."

I found myself laughing. "Malcolm, we can't call him Malcolm. I like Evan. Maybe Lyle Evan Tomlinson or Evan Lyle Tomlinson, I think Oliver Tomlinson sounds a bit silly."

Harry smiled. "Evan Lyle Reid-Tomlinson." He paused and nodded. "I like it, now the little girl, I had trouble with this one. Ami, Carrie or Kizzy."

I thought it over for a moment. "What about Ami-Rose?" I asked looking for Harry's opinion. "Ami-Rose Reid-Tomlinson"

Harry beamed. "That's beautiful. It just shows, that you will be a perfect mother."