Learn to accept yourself

»Chapter 19

Louis stopped the car in the hospital car park, we had stopped at the petrol station and he waited patiently as I cleaned myself up, but now we were going to see Lea.

Sara called just as we were about to leave the station saying the young girl had woken up and was asking for me, me in particular. I had no idea why.

I climbed out of the car and automatically noticed how Louis followed me very slowly, keeping his eyes trained on the floor, when I took his hand I noticed he was trembling but I said nothing. I worked out that being in hospitals reminded him of the car accident and stirring up memories was probably a bad idea, so I gently squeezed his hand as we ventured onwards.

We went through the double doors and I heard his breathing change he was taking short shallow breaths, so I turned back and held both of his hands.

"I-I d-d-don't like it h-h-here." His stutter and whisper combined made it difficult for me to understand.

"You can go wait in the car if you want, I won't stay long." Louis shook his head silently and squeezed my hand, I let go of one of his and ran my fingers through his hair instructing him to take deep, calming breaths. "Alright?" He nodded so we headed up to the ward Lea was on, it was not a calm peaceful affair when we arrived setting Louis' panic in further.

I let go of louis hand and went over to the doctor who was trying to stop Finn.

"Finn, that's enough. What's going on?" I asked glancing over at Louis as he sat on one of the seats, a female nurse beside him trying to help him breath regularly.

"They won't let me see her, they keep saying she won't see me. How do they know if they won't let me in!" He said shoving the doctor.

"This needs to stop now, if you look through the window you can see you are upsetting Lea, go and sit down and I will go and talk to her and see if I can change her mind."

Finn groaned and practically threw himself in the seat beside Louis, making him jump. I gently kissed Louis' cheek and reassured him he was safe and would be ok sat out here without me, I turned back and knocked on the door.

"Hello?" I said sticking my head around the door, Lea looked over at me and then turned away. Just that tiny glance showed me why she didn't want Finn to see her. Her face was bruised and she looked like she was in pain, her hair was a mess and she looked like she hadn't slept in a while much less just come out of a coma. I went over to the side of her bed and sat down.

"Don't feel like talking to me today?" I asked. Lea shrugged and refused to look at me. "Did you know Finn is outside, he's really upset because they won't let him in."

"I don't want to see him." Lea snapped harshly rolling over and facing me, I watched her cringe as she sat up, I could hear just by her breathing she had done in a few ribs. "I'm a mess, if he sees me like this he won't like me anymore."

I sighed and reached over, taking Lea's hands in my own. "He's never had anybody like you in his life before, do you really think something like that is enough to turn him away?" I looked out as he sat next to Louis. I noticed how he was talking to him, I could see Louis stammering but it didn't bother Finn. "Lea, he appreciates what he has. And he has you, everything you pair go through makes me wish I appreciated everything I have."

Lea shrugged. "I don't want him to see me like this, I'm a mess, I don't want to risk it."

"Well then, I guess it's a good thing I bought this then isn't it?" I said rifling through my bag and pulling out several items that might have been useful for her. "I'll help you out, but you have to promise me you'll do as you're told, you aren't even supposed to be sat up yet."

Lea nodded, I noticed how exhausted she was so I gave her a simple task to just brush her hair. I took a small blue pot and opened it picking up the sponge brush and circling it in the light powder I helped Lea feel more confident that Finn would still enjoy her company.

I helped her lie back down and get comfortable before letting go of her hand and heading to the door, both Louis and Finn stood as I opened it so I indicated for them both to come in. Finn came in first and stopped at the side of her bed, slowly reaching over and taking her hand. "Hey..." He whispered.

Louis stood beside me so I gently put my arms around his waist to show him again he was going to be alright, and that what ever was going on in his head was probably why he was so frightened. I looked over at Lea as Finn sat on the edge of her bed talking to her, I examined the sign above the pairs heads.

Lea Burns-Jones Age: 16 H-A-R

I didn't know what the H-A-R meant but it didn't matter to me, I just watched the pair completely content with each others company I turned back to Louis and smiled.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked running my hand in circles on his back, he nodded jerkily wanting nothing more then to get away from the hospital as it stirred up horrific memories. "I wonder if Harr and sara are home yet." I said absent-mindedly.

"If th-th-they are I'm n-not going." Louis said seriously.

"Why?" Louis replied by whispering something in my ear, something I had never heard him say before and just like that my squeaky-clean image of him came crashing down.