"I hate myself. Because I fell so hard to someone who defy me so hard."
con·ceal
\kən-ˈsēl\
verb: to let your emotions and feelings pass away. Not letting other's get onto what you're going through the moment. Keeping it to yourself for the betterment of others.
Waking up from last night's tears. I rised from the effect of light illuminating through the curtains. I sit up straight as I reminisce Edward's words.
"If you only knew how much I want to end this."
"I just coudn't find the right words."
"I feel. You don't deserve me at all."
Finding you and your assistant is already enough Edward. I understand you don't love me. But I still want to hold on. Because I do hope someday you would love me to. I hope someday you would see all my sufferings just for you. I hope someday you'll see that I'm breaking my life for the least of your own betterment.
Every word stabbed right through my heart passing right to my bones. Unknowingly, tears started to roll from the release in my eyes. A bead followed by an another bead. A stab followed by an another stab. And it continually starts to go on and on while it gets deep and deep.
Wiping off the tears, I engaged myself and got ready for an another day. As I as ready to take off. I grabbed my bag and my personal belongings. Afterwards locking it.
Winter isn't much felt right now because it happened much yesterday. Now you could see the sun shining covered with frost fog around. I sensed the ice crisps. The winterwind understands me, it knows what it feels to see someone you love the most to be happy with someone else.
I headed to the restaurant to have a little bit of hope and energy from my bestfriend, Yachi. She's the only one I have right now. She's the only one I'm holding on right now. She was always by my side. And I owe her my whope life for it.
Entering the coffee shop, I was cornered already with a hug followed by a,
"Good morning, sugarplum!" Rye cheerfully shouted whilst grabbing my cheeks and stretched it crosswise.
"Gm-wni-ng" My words are beaten off because of my streched gums tangled.
"Okay let's get ready to work!" Chi grabbed my hand and I didn't notice my tears start to fall from my eyes. The halt of my tears unbelievably off-guard.
"Aly? Are you alright?" Concern from her tone was audibly heard. She took a proportion of the hair the slipped from my ear's hold whilst tucking it back. She pulled my chin up making me look at her.
"It's just. I.. I don't need to work anymore.." Trying to wipe my tears and which was passed over by an another tear.
"Why?" She questioned. Sudden downwards of her voice were oviously audible. I feel bad for myself and for her, she shoudn't have a crybaby friend.
"I.."
"I saw Edward, with a g-irl. Doing things with their bare bodies, to-gether." Through sobs I still managed to tell her what I feel. It was squeezing me. I have to let it all out, or I might die because of depression. After sobs imitated, clear depressed cries wer formed from my throat.
"What the actual fuck? Do you want me to scrap his dick and fucking throw it away from earth? I am not kidding miss, i swear! The time I see that jerk, I'll slit his dick upto his fucking throat." Rye said. She might be jollly, friendly, and cutely strict. But when it comes to me getting hurt, she becomes a monster like the one from Moana the Movie.
She was about to get out from the door when I took her hand and took it tightly. Never letting go. I kneeled right in front of her thighs whilst hugging her legs.
"Please... Don't hurt him." Was all I said. Afraid of every move she could be capable of, because behind her innocent body, is a heavyweight wrestler.
"Are you dumb? He needs to be punsihed for all the things he has done to you! For the last three years, I saw your bruises and hand marks! Also bandages and scraps with whip-lashes! You think I didn't saw that? And do you think I didnt fucking knew who did that to you? That fucking bastard who made your wonderful life into a devastating one yet you still fucking earn to love him? Are you human? Aly, wake the fuck up!"
"No, I won't. I can't"
"What the fuck?"
"I-I... LOVE HIM! AND EVEN IF HE TREATS ME LIKE AN ANIMAL PEST, IT'S FINE. I FEEL HE'S SATISFIED WHENEVER HE HURTS ME. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I'M AFRAID I'D LOOSE HIM! I'M AFRAID HE'LL LEAVE ME! SO I'LL KEEP THIS REPLATIONSHIP WHILE HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING TO MAKE US SPLIT APART! I LOVE HIM AND I WILL NEVER REGRET LOVING HIM!" I bursted tears infront of my bestfriend. I just.. I don't want to see Edward hurt. It hurts me more whenever I see him in pain. Sometimes I just want to take all his pain and give all of my happiness to him.
"He doesn't deserve you, Aly. He never did."
"Just.. Keep it unto the two of us.. You are the only one I left. Mom left me for she always said I am worthless. While when I was with dad, my stepmother would always hurt me. My siblings are disgusted at me and all our family. They said I don't deserve a part on our business enterprise that's why I'm here. Earning money through washing dishes. Promise me you'll protect me, as well as Edward."
"I'll protect you of course. But with Edward, I don't know."
"I know it's hard. Let myself break into thin crusts because of him..
Because I'm worthless..
And I don't deserve anything at anyone..
And as what they said..
I will never be enough..."
Author: Don't be dumbass and become like Aly in real life. You deserve someone who really gives you all, and doesn't give up on you, and lastly. Loves you whole.
Byeee!
*THROWS A GIGANTIC COMET OF LOVE FOR YOU*
