The Boy I Hate

Twenty Six.

It brought me a feeling of deja vu to stand on Charlie Turner's porch with two coffees in hand. It seemed like it was only the day before I was asking him to come forward about the fire. I was still so thankful that he did. It was things like that - the important things - that let me know he was a true friend. Despite whatever mean things he'd said to me, or whatever drama there was between us, I knew he would be there when it counted.

I'd known for a while that we were becoming friends. Perhaps since the day we did community service together, or maybe even sooner, but it wasn't until then - standing on his porch with two coffees - that I realized he had become one of the most important people in my life. That it was harder to breathe knowing he was mad at me.

Was he even mad at me? We hadn't talked - at all - since the debutante ball. The same ball where I accused him of somehow detaining my boyfriend. Or, ex boyfriend. 

I felt so betrayed that he would lie to me, but he didn't. Of course he didn't. Charlie was a lot of things, but he wasn't a lier... I was. After all, it was me who had spent the last couple months pretending to befriend him. It was me who said I'd broken up with Richard when I hadn't. I was betraying him the whole time. I knew that now.

So, when he opened his trailer door, with a lackluster expression, it occurred to me that I didn't want to lie to him anymore. I couldn't pretend Richard and I had been broken up the whole time. I refused to act like I didn't begin our new friendship with less than stellar intentions. He was - I realized - too important to me. Too important to lie to.

First, I had to apologize, "I'm so sorry." He opened his mouth to speak, but I continued. "Really, I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have expected the worst from you. I should have trusted you. I just didn't want to believe he wouldn't show up, and-"

He interrupted, with a tentative smile, grabbing my shoulders to steady me, "I'm not mad!" He laughed, "I was worried you were sill mad at me!"

I threw my arms around him, "thank god! No, I'm not mad at you. Richard admitted that he didn't show up on his own. I should have known that in the first place. How could I be mad at you?"

He laughed heartedly, "I don't know. I'm not used to us not being mad at each other."

My smile faltered, and I thought - don't get used to it.

I couldn't drop my truth bomb yet, though. I wanted to enjoy this for a while. Who knew if he would ever want to associate with me again after I told him? Instead, I said, "want to go somewhere with me? Talk?"

"Yeah, just let me grab my jacket."

•••

The Marina was a popular hangout for kids on either side of Sugar Lake. You could feed the fish (my favorite activity), rent a boat, or maybe just hang out on the beach. The area had an abundance of trees, so the owners strung up as many hammocks as they could and charged five dollars to sit for as long as you wanted. 

It was always packed,  but today it wasn't. Probably because it was still so early. So early that the sun wasn't completely over the mountains. I was glad for that. If people saw us together, word would get around to Rich. I didn't want him to think I was betraying him somehow. 

We chose the hammock closest to the water, hung by huge billowing trees. It was always the hardest one to claim if you came on a busy day. It was also the best one to sit on with two people - but still, when we sat down it propelled us to sit closer than comfort. Charlie lifted his arm over me naturally.

"So," I began. "You knew about Margie and Lily?"

He shrugged, guiltily. "I didn't think it was my place to tell."