What He Wants

If Only You Would Hear Me

The sounds of my yesterday, seems like something of a blur, the words that used to feel me with hope, now; only bring me a silent torture. The long endless days and nights are never going to come to an end

Why can't you hear me? 

I ask pounding on the thick glass that boxes me into my bed. The chains wrapped around my ankles pilling my skin away from the bone. I scream but...you still don't hear me.

I feel like emotionally, i'm going to die. All i want is for you to hear my voice, just this once and i will be happy, just this once so i can have hope. I have so many questions for you. Will you listen now? I'll try again. 

Why don't you notice me ever? Why can't i be free of you, if you don't want me? Do I have a purpose in life? Do I have a purpose to you? Answer!

He stares at me through the glass, the wrinkles around his eyes and nose are frowning. Am i displeasing him again? Will he hurt me some more? The man is always watching me. The man in the white robe. He stares at me all day and monitors me all night through a camera at the end of my bedroom.

What do you want from me? Please answer me!

 I bang my head at him against the glass. I feel the warmth of my blood starting to pool around my forehead. I've hurt myself. I use my index finger to write to him with my blood, I spell out ' What Do You Want From Me?'

His brows furrow and his face looks puzzled. He turns walking away from me, I slap at the glass screaming and pleading for an answer, but he just continues walking.

 Maybe he doesn't speak English? I've been trying over and over again to get him to answer me...but to no use. It's just me inside this glass cage, nothing but my bed to lie on and a bucket to shit in, the sliding door they remove my bucket from is invisible to my eyes.

They come in all shapes and sizes, the people in white, they come to watch me, they come to ignore me.

How did this happen to me? Where was i before this? These thoughts bother me like nails grinding down a chalk board. The answers are never coming, are they? The constant ringing of my own voice is all i'm ever going to hear again. I itch at the scrapes around my ankles peeling and picking the scabs.

When the room goes black, the only light in it is a little red dot from the camera; where he sits and watches me. Did i know him prior to this? Is there something i did to him? I can't recall his face from any memories outside of here. Is this even still my house? My room?

I bite down hard on my lip making it bleed. The blood pools in my mouth with a salty bitter warmth. Is he going to let me die? Should i die? Would what ever is on the other side be better...than this cage?

Would i finally be heard?? I spit out the blood laying there in the darkness wondering. Is it really night time? Or is he making my bed time? 

There has not been a window since i woke up here. The only light is on when he turns it on. He never smiles or laughs, he only looks at me. He only looks at me with his blue piercing eyes. Why? That is the question isn't it?

I pick at the gash on my forehead the pain is stinging. I pick at it till it makes me cry. I try to remember it is better to feel pain then no pain at all. If i didn't feel pain then that would me i'm dead, right?

"How long has it been since i've ate? Since i've drank water? "

My stomach is growling loudly and my lips feel cracked and with small flakes, my head is hurting too,  hard as I try to think, I cannot recall.

The screams I release from deep within my chest, cause nothing to change, so I continue to pick at the skin around me face, pulling it off in strips. The constant sting makes me clentch, but i have nothing left to loose but myself to this horror.

"Please!Just tell me what you want from me and I'll give it to you! " I cry pleading.