▪️Predictions ▪️Style

🔻Lucky Charms🔻

Disclaimer: I don't own south park
Title: lucky charms
Words: 3062

It was getting unbearably painful to watch any longer. It didn't even matter that it were only a play, designed to falsely entrap people into believing the characters playing the parts actually felt that way about one another. It didn't matter because the two of them didn't look like they were acting at all. It was much too real. He didn't like to feel jealous, especially over a tree-hugging hippie whore and an overly-sensitive animal lover. They were so perfect for each other it made him sick. There was only one thing that could make him feel better at a time like this;

Pissing off Kyle.

His eyes zeroed in on his pray, who was standing off to the side, whispering and giggling with Kenny. The way they leaned against one another in laughter was almost as nauseating as the two on stage.

Typical Jew. Cartman thought with and irritated grunt. If Stan wasn't there to flirt with, he'd corrupt Kenny. Not that Kenny wasn't already corrupted. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken, Cartman had seen the pervert give both Kyle and Stan once-overs when the two weren't looking. He thought of everyone, including his friends, as "eye-candy".

Kenny nudged the snickering Kyle and pointed toward the stage. "Five bucks says he'll puke all over her." His arms sprung forward for visual effect.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Kyle readily agreed. "But I'll bet in Stan's favor, you need the money."

"I'm not worried about the money. If he gets her shirt wet we might be able to see through it."

Kyle grinned. "Maybe you should have mentioned that to him so he can aim in that direction."

"Hey, Stan-" Kenny cupped his hands around his mouth like a megaphone, but Kyle quickly pulled him back, where they both began snickering again. They stifled their laughter at the teachers death glare and turned their attention toward the stage.

Kyle grinned as he looked at Stan. He looked nervous, even when he was suppose to simply be lying there, dead and stiff. He certainly had the stiff part down. In fact, he was so tense he looked like a piece of plywood.

"Sorry to break your heart, but Juliet wasn't a stupid Jew."

Kyle turned his attention from the school's stage, already angry as he faced Cartman. "What the hell are you flapping your gums about now?"

Cartman could feel his soul laughing on the inside, though his exterior remained cool. "I can see right through you, Kyle. You want to be Juliet. You want to feel Stan's lips pressed against yours in a timeless kiss that will leave you craving more."

Kyle could feel himself begin to shake with fury. The fat-ass had been at it all day. All day. It was amazing the way he could find one subject to annoy someone with and not get bored of it after a while. He had freaked Stan out so badly, he refused to come to class after the lunch bell rang. The only good part was the fact that Kyle had gotten out of class as well to "calm his psychotic friend", as the teacher so bluntly put it. Stan hadn't been "psychotic", only a little spazzed about Cartman's seemingly accurate predictions and the fact that he'd just been hugged by an openly gay Butters. But Stan was a smart kid, and it didn't take much to convince him that Cartman was full of shit. Which he was.

"Could you please just grab a hold of whatever decency you have in that over-sized body and shut the hell up about me and Stan!" Kyle's shout echoed.

This gained the attention of every individual in the room, Wendy included, who's lips had been a half inch from Stan's.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Their teacher demanded at the interruption.

Wendy sighed, stood up straight and crossed her arms across her chest. Stan sat up from the prop where he lay and rubbed his lips as though she had actually kissed him, though his eyes locked with Kyle's questioningly.