❝because hyung, i am not going back without you❞ ||
● jinyoung embarks on a journey to bring his estranged best friend jaebum home, believing that he is less likely to succeed, specially when he is the reason of jaebum's disappearance.
● a jj proje...
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They were going to separate colleges soon and Jinyoung wasn't one bit happy about it. He understood that Jaebum had his talent and passion tied to photography but Jinyoung wasn't artistically inclined. His passion or more like his career goal was about to take him in a completely different direction.
So he sat on his bed, stuffing the gigantic suitcase full of all the clothes he'd need once he is away from home and avoids any eye contact with Jaebum. The older boy on the other hand, arranged Jinyoung's books for him.
"What if I go to your college? They are still taking application right?" Jinyoung stops folding clothes all of a sudden and asks.
It's stupid. He knows it's stupid and practically impossible. By the end of the week, he'll definitely try to settle down in his dorm room and Jaebum will be doing the same in his. Yet he feels like giving it a shot to satisfy his own childish imaginations.
"Jinyoung-ah," Jaebum sighs, dropping the stack of book on the bed. He stood with his arms crossed and Jinyoung couldn't help but notice the network of veins decorating his forearms.
"Yeah. Never mind."
Jinyoung didn't need to be told twice that this whole idea of going to the same college to stay with each other wasn't going to work at all. But he was being bothered by the suffocating constriction inside his chest and no matter what he did, he couldn't understand what was happening to him. Jinyoung thought he might be sick, struck with some disease. But all the pills for anxiety couldn't cure him so he gave up wondering uselessly.
When all his luggage was dealt with, Jinyoung let out an exhale and flopped down on his bed. Jaebum took to his chair by the study table and fiddled with his phone. Jinyoung had to crane his neck up and observe Jaebum smiling at his screen and it didn't take him any extra piece of intellect to figure out the reason of his happiness.
"So noona is going to the same college with your right?"
Jinyoung refers to Sora, the same senior who has enamored Im Jaebum and was officially his girlfriend. To avoid feeling like a third wheel, Jinyoung has taught himself to maintain distance and give the happy couple some privacy when needed. He knew Sora was a well spoken and kind girl, someone capable of fitting just fine by Jaebum's side and the whole age difference didn't even matter. Not to mention, that Jinyoung himself had taken the initiative to talk to Sora and convey Jaebum's feelings of behalf of him because his best friend was too shy to do it himself. Talking to girl wasn't something he was super confident with.
"Yes she is. Atleast I won't feel lonely in a new environment now," Jaebum finishes his texting and shoves the phone back into his pocket.
But what about me hyung? Jinyoung thinks but never says.
It was already evening and Jinyoung still had to go help Jaebum to pack his luggage. That was their bond of friendship coming to act. They would help each other with anything and everything and all Jinyoung needed was Jaebum's company. He felt safe because Jaebum has always been there to protect him. But going off to a college meant he had to start from scratch and learn how to watch his own back.
"I...I am going to miss you so much hyung," Jinyoung mumbles but Jaebum catches his words anyway.
"Me too Jinyoung-ah. You are my best friend and I can never not miss you. We will talk to each other every night okay?" Jaebum assures with a hand on Jinyoung's shoulder but he isn't convinced.
He knows that sooner or later they will be loaded with assignments and exams and there will be a forgotten promise collecting dust in the memory lane. So Jinyoung was almost giving up the hope to talk to Jaebum every night. Specially with Sora already a year ahead of him in the same college, Jinyoung doubted if Jaebum will ever be able to make time for him. But it was okay, it was normal. He had learnt to accept that. Hiding behind Jaebum won't get him anywhere in life. So Jinyoung tried to hold back the tears which threatened to fall out of his eyes.
"Whats wrong buddy?" Jaebum is instantly concerned as he tightens the hand resting on Jinyoung's shoulder.
"No-nothing."
Jinyoung steps ahead and hugs Jaebum tight before the latter gets a chance to watch his tears fall out. As usual, Jaebum reciprocates and hugs him back tightly. Jinyoung feels the sense of discomfort for the first time in his life while hugging Jaebum. As if he isn't meant to be there and he is claiming someone else's property.
Jinyoung pulls back at first, unsure about the fuzzy mess inside his head and how to explain it. Jaebum waits for him to express.
Jinyoung doesn't think much when he simply leans ahead, closes his eyes and presses his lips over Jaebum's. It happens in a fraction of second and then Jinyoung is stepping away from Jaebum's embrace, with the older boy looking at him with a piercing gaze.
"I don't know what am I doing hyung."
Jinyoung doesn't know if he should say something like this at the moment but he screams in a bizarre octave somewhere deep inside his head that he had actually kissed Jaebum. His Jaebum hyung. Jaebum hyung has been the one to steal his first kiss.
And he starts to shake like an autumn leaf on its branches and Jaebum is the first one to break the awkward silence and push Jinyoung further down the awkward pit.
"Did you want to do it Jinyoung-ah? Don't lie to me."
"I don't know hyung, I just..."
Should he say that it was a mistake? Should he apologize? Will Jaebum hyung be forever disgusted with him? Will Jaebum hyung not talk to him anymore?
Jinyoung feels like imploding.
"Jinyoung-ah, look at me."
Jinyoung obeys.
Jaebum is quick to take a couple steps to reduce the gap between them and cradle Jinyoung's face in his palms. Breath falls between them cold and numb.
"There is no need to be ashamed of what you did okay? It's alright. I can understand."
What can Jaebum hyung understand that I can't? Jinyoung thinks hard but he feels good that atleast Jaebum isn't mad at him for the abrupt kiss.
As Jaebum and Jinyoung sort of level it out in his room, Jinyoung promises to show up the next day at his home to help him pack his luggage.
