𝐈. AN OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE

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I. AN OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE

          Jasmine Dijkstra is going to drown herself in the fountain

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Jasmine Dijkstra is going to drown herself in the fountain. The good fountain, obviously—the one in the garden, not the one in front of the house (it sputters a bit and she wouldn't want to be caught dead in that one. She's not some common peasant.). She doesn't care that it's her parents' annual New Year's Eve party. She can't think of a better way for the guests to start a new year than by watching her corpse being fished out of the fountain!

Her life is falling apart and truly falling apart this time! It was not like the time she wore socks in the wrong shade of white (eggshell is not appropriate for socks!) to a luncheon with her grandmother (it was truly mortifying). Or the time she tripped and nearly fell down the stairs in a rush to get to Potions and the Common Room had been full and everyone had seen it happen (also, truly mortifying. This one has kept her up for many nights.). Or the time she was caught in the crossfire of a prank and ended up with scarlet hair for a month straight ("It was meant for Rosier!" "I don't give a shit, Potter—reverse it!").

Hours and hours of hard work, all down the drain. All because she's never been in a relationship.

Well, technically, there's a little bit more to it.

Jasmine runs a matchmaking service called 'Cupid's Helper'. She's really good at it, and she's done it all by herself! From the marketing to the bookkeeping to the matchmaking. She's done it all by herself!
Little Miss Independent.

Now it's all gone to shit because, according to others, she's taken the Little Miss Independent thing a bit too far. Well, kind of.

To fully grasp the situation, one must know about Cupid's Helper, which works a little like this:

     1.) A customer looking for love, approaches Cupid's Helper.

2.) They choose one of the four tiers. Bronze, the cheapest, provides the customer with one potential love interest. Silver provides them with three; Gold provides them five; Diamond provides them with ten. Diamond is the most expensive and it's also the most rare. The Diamond tier is only available for a limited amount of time for a limited amount of customers. Partially because it's really hard work (she's got school work and Prefect duties because Dumbledore is a bit of a prick and just had to make her one.  At least the Prefect bathroom has a nice bathtub, she supposes.) and because exclusivity makes people want things more. Jasmine is certain that if the Diamond option were available all year around and for everyone, it wouldn't sell as well as it does right now.

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⏰ Last updated: 2 days ago ⏰

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