Crushin on a Nugget

Summer

Sooo it's finally summer and school over with and my crush... asked like how I felt about him or if there was anything I wanted to tell him so this is what I told him...
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"You know honestly my mind and heart are in two different places right now... as you know I like you.. not just like "oh it's a crush" NO BITCH IT'S NOT... Anyways...I like... bleh idk how to describe it... I never felt this way towards someone beforeeee.... but...I mean there's  some struggles...like you liking "her".. now don't take this the wrong way you can love her all you want but I mean...idk... I've kinda been in a mindset where...like I'll never be with you and like it's so fucking pointless to like you..I'm not good enough and just...mmm yeah...but then my heart is like...mmmm it's like you're my garbage can...🙂😋 and like...yeah... I obviously like you a lot.. Especially since I have like 5 people that don't want me to like/date you... BUT DEN I HAVE DEM SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS THAT ARE TOTALLY FINE WITH IT BC THEY KNOW YOU MAKE ME SOOO FUCKING HAPPPPYYYYY....so don't let that change... don't take this like the wrong way...but idk the future...idk if I'll continue liking you or what... honestly... as long as you're happy...I'll survive.. plus if I ever stop liking you..I honestly want to be friends still... I WOULD WANT US TO BE THOSE FRIENDS THAT LIKED EACH OTHER BUT LIKE MOVED ON IN A GOOD WAYS..😋
Ily ya fat nugget 😂"
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So now it's like a month in to summer and.. we've kinda talked less about.. how I feel towards him and it's kind of difficult to just....talk to him. I used to be able to randomly text him saying something stupid and we could have a whole conversation abort that but now it's different...
Actually...if I'm being honest...since the last couple days of school til now.. all he ever talks about is "her" and ya know in the beginning it was totally fine but then it became more consistent...and his feelings for "her" became stronger and stronger and I was in no place to stop that. It became more difficult for me to talk to him about much. He truly just wanted to talk about "her" because all he cared about was "her" and... I'm surprised I still like him 😂 honestly... I know he doesn't like me back. Especially since this summer happened like whatever "feelings" he felt towards me aren't there no matter how hard you try to look for them. It's kinda like they never existed... maybe it was all a game.. I know deep down he's not an awful person, but I feel like he maybe had some kind of illusion that he "liked" me or maybe he lied to me about his feelings or maybe he truly did like me. I'm just stuck in this confusing part of my emotions. AND HERES MY THING. We have one more year of school left and his crush does want to become closer with him so then... I'm just here. Ya know maybe I should give up for my own good. It's my last year of school and I don't want to be miserable half of the time. I want to be happy from the first day of school til the last.
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