Swept off my feet

~Chapter twenty one~

ERIC'S POV
My uncle words keep replaying in my head but my heart says otherwise. I don't want to break her again especially when I don't even know what the right thing to do is.
So here I am again sitting opposite my traitor, the one who had to do the honors of making me tell crystal everything, my therapist. I don't hate her cause she actually did me a favor.
"talk to me Eric" she's been persisting for about five minutes now.
"I don't even know what to say"
"what's on your mind" she asks
" am still doubting if dating crystal is the right thing"
"how do you feel about her?"
"I love her. I love her a lot" I say sincerely.
"you know I can't tell you what to do but I can only advise you to talk with Crystal. It will be a way to develop a sense of communication between you two. You know am glad this therapy  changed from you grieving to you falling in love. What ever decision you make is worth taking a risk for"

I walked home that evening straight to her house to talk.  Everything felt wrong and a part of me told me my decision was not the best.  As usual she answers the door cheerfully and my heart skips a beat at the sight of her. We head to her room and I almost miss a step because of so much on my mind.  When we enter I just sit on the bed and put my head in my hands.
I have to do this!!
I have to do this!!
It's for her sake!
I keep changing in my head.
"is anything the matter?"
She asks getting on her knees so that we are on the same level.
I look in her eyes and it pains me at what am about to do.
" I can't be with you anymore" I say not looking in her eyes for fear of what I'll see in her bright blue eyes.
"why? What ever it is we can talk about it"
"I have thought about it over and over again and I think am decided. It's for your own good."
"why are you saying this"
I hold her hands and look her in the eyes directly so that she can know am serious about what am saying.
" crystal I love you so much and there's no doubt about it but when people know about my relationship with Jason they will raise their eyebrows with suspicions and disgust. Secondly I don't want you to get hurt because of me. The threats you are receiving are obviously involving me and i want you safe for Amour." I say everything truthfully.
She looks at me shocked and I wonder if I said anything wrong.

"are you really leaving because of that or you have found someone else. We could have worked together through this and I definitely don't care what other people say. Why didn't you talk to me before making this decision."

" why are you making this difficult. Can't you see am giving you a favor" am faking frustration because I need to do this and get out now before I change my mind.
"giving me a favor by breaking my heart. Why did you wait till I fell in love with you? You are such an asshole. Why are you doing this?"
"am not ready to be a father okay." ouch my heart hurts with this biggest lie of them all.
"this is your nephew. Whether ready or not Amour is still connected to you in some way. I don't think I can trust you ever again. Please leave."
" crystal I don't want us to end on a bad note"
" I said leave!!!"

I start to walk away but my heart is practically bleeding right now.
I have to do this
I have to do this
I know this will help me to also figure things out.
I slowly  close the door to her bedroom and lean against it. I hear her cry and I have to walk away because I can't  bear it. This is very painful. Why does love have to hurt so much but also give you the best feeling ever when things are going right. I have to endure this pain for a few more weeks.
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