My Quest For The Meaning Of Life

Record 5: Friendships (Pt. 2)

In the past 48 hours, I have reconnected with a person with whom I thought my relationship was over. Having not spoken with this person for the past year and a half I had no reason to believe he wanted anything to do with me. I was under the impression that even when we were friends he didn't necessarily care for me, and I truly believed that when we went to high school we would completely lose touch and only connect through mutual friends from that point on. Life was going as I had expected until I called him up randomly, and I was shocked to receive a texted response asking if we could talk later. Agreeing to wait for a good time to catch up, he called me back about an hour and a half later. We talked for a little while before retiring to bed and ended up seeing each other the next day at the party of a mutual friend. Later that same day he texted me asking to talk, and we decided to call each other the following day. That morning he texted me asking how I was and called to talk for 2 hours. We completely caught up on each other's lives, and a lot of information I was not aware of was revealed as to the actual status of our relationship. Here is what he had to say: We were always friends and there was never a point he disliked me. He wanted to spend time with me and re-build the friendship. There was personal information he shared with me that I am not comfortable publishing, but so much was cleared up, and I feel very strange about the whole situation. I would, of course, like to try to be friends, but I need to process all of the new information before I make plans to see this person again. He had always been distant, and not the sort of person to go out of his way to be kind to me. However, Today he complimented me and asked to spend time with me, and it was very disorienting. The lesson I am learning from this experience is not to underestimate people. Sometimes people need you in their life, and sometimes they need isolation. The important part is making yourself emotionally available when they do need you. Never assume someone doesn't need you, even if all you need to do for them is exist as a stable presence in their life. There is a certain amount of being there for others that contributes to the meaning of life that I am trying to discover. This could not possibly be the whole meaning of life because I do believe that doing things that fulfill yourself and your happiness and your life is just as important, because you can't take care of others if you don't know how to take care of yourself. And while the meaning of life can't possibly revolve entirely around self-satisfaction, it must have some contribution. A contrast to this situation is also something I am currently going through. Some old friends of mine I thought would be people I was close to past high school are making it very difficult for me to want to spend time with them. I find myself being shit on more than recognized and respected when we spend time together. I feel as though they regard my life choices as the wrong kind of choices. They consider me as "not having a life" because I don't spend my time partying, but rather being a productive member of society, because the truth is, when you put everything into perspective I have much more of a life than they do. I am incredibly involved in school activities, I am planning to attend a mission trip to Guatemala this coming February. When I make plans, I make them at least two weeks in advance because I am so busy, while they are able to make plans spontaneously. And yet I am so happy with the life I have because it is not empty. They seem to have to compensate for their lack of activity and priority of social life and status by saying that my priorities, though considerably more demanding, are "not having a life," yet somehow while I keep up with school and my numerous activities, I still manage to maintain all of my important relationships, while they can't be bothered to maintain ours without shitting on me when we do spend time together. Yes, the last paragraph was essentially a rant, but it's still contributing to my point. By recognizing this emotional abuse by people I thought were going to be pillars in my life, I'm taking care of myself, and making myself emotionally available to others who may need my friendship. For a healthy friendship, you must both be committed to the other person, and know their role in your life, and make sure they know their role in your life. There are some people you will go to for advice, and some you will go to for a relaxing night at the movies. You can, of course, serve multiple roles in someone's life, but you need to know what they need from you and what you need from them because you never know when you will need emergency emotional support. To rehash this record, never underestimate people, make sure you keep a healthy distance from people that make you feel less worthy of a wonderful life and make sure you know how to care for yourself before you volunteer your time and energy for someone else. It must be a pillar of the meaning of life, I can't imagine it isn't, but I don't believe it to be the full meaning of life.