Moments

Joshua's Song

When you love something it makes people want to love you. He loved music, in fact, he was the music itself and all its facets. I've always been attracted to light, even when it burns me. I will burn my papery wings to nubs before I break this addiction.

Now that I am in the darkness I am awake again, seeing my truth. The voices in my head chant cautionary tales, their voices cutting into me.  Something pure has been disturbed. We should not break bubbles that are not our own or peer into spaces held sacred to others. But yet I was dancing on the edge, ready to fall, for desperation had a good hand for pushing.

It hurt the most when he sang. His calloused hands danced along the keys in praise of his God. I could have almost kissed him if this were another world. For a moment, I thought I could trick myself. Maybe his knee meant to graze mine, maybe I was not alone in my spell. I imagined, in the darkness of my eyes, that I was wrinkled with time and regrets, sitting on a sofa as sure hands pressed into the piano in our living room. Our house would smell of death, his voice staunch as the rolling seas beyond us. Though the hooded man calls, our blood is still alive. It is on those keys that he lays down his fiery ichor, his heart beating so fast that the idea of death feels like a myth. I would lull myself into eternal sleep upon the swelling waves of his music.

Can you move over a little?

I am no longer in the in-between, the room around me is wooden, and my heart creeks just as so. His eyes are not dead, no they are much crueler than that, instead, they are impatient. Wrong person, wrong time, wrong life.

I want to make movies

Okay

The words are quickly washed over by flowery music, each key shrinking me, no melting me into the wood.

If I steal that fan in the lounge would that be wrong?

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah...

I only ever wanted air.