Intrinsic

Epilogue

The anxiety will kill me.

Someone once told me that I'd be the one to kill myself. Slowly- and then all at once.
I watched as the flickering lights passed by. A personal rainbow made out of black and whites of sorts, surpassing every expectation I had of myself, every boundary I once had that promised my safety.

All gone in a blur.

A sigh escaped my parched lips. I should probably get some lip balm. My trembling hand reached towards the zipper on the bag and then thought against it, retreating back to its original position on my lap.
My cold clammy lap.
Thirty minutes passed by, and my subconscious reminded me that I had blurred everything out again. The miasma of silent farts and cheap body spray, as well as the silent words that were taped as soon as they were formed.

And then as soon as it was formed, my subconscious let it out in the open.
Write it down.
Writing? I couldn't remember the last time I picked up my pen or anyone's pen to push words out onto a tree killer. The only time I ever wrote now was to get assignments and projects done at least a week before their due date.
I shook my head and closed my eyes, leaning it back onto the headrest.
Just five minutes of peace.
It seemed as though every part of my subconscious was just as against the idea as my body was. The idea of writing everything down and putting a physical description to the emotions I had pushed at the back of my mind would mean having to face them, to look back at them.

Was I ready for that? Was I ready to do the one thing everyone had been begging me to do but I had continuously ignored?

I ran my fingers through my hair in defeat, the dry skin on top of them irritating my subconscious.
Let's give this a go.
I don't have much to lose out on anyways.

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HELLO FELLOW EARTHLINGS!
This book was a part of my sophomore year project for a course. I've worked very hard on it and would appreciate it if you wouldn't copy it down.

This book isn't just a project to me. It's a compilation of the things I've gone through and the person I am today. No, I haven't gone through the things explicitly mentioned in it- but the emotions hit pretty close to home.
If you're someone who has ever gone through something hard- just know that you're not alone. Trust me when I say this- you control your life more than you think you do.
I just hope this book lets you think about the feelings you've gone through and the control you've given to the things and people that don't matter at all.
The only person who really matters in your life is you.
Because it's all Intrinsic.
Hope you like it!