Wondering US

'Us'

To the one wondering about an 'Us'.

By this point we've had numerous conversations and we're in the should we/shouldn't we period. If you're wondering if you should wait for my signal or make a move then you shouldn't bother because I've already had a relationship with you in my head and it didn't end like a fairy tale there for me. But just in case you're thinking of taking a leap, here are a few disclaimers.

The truth is I've never read Bukowski. And Kafka makes my head hurt. All the maturity that I have, comes from reading Calvin and Hobbes at three in the morning.

I swear I'll listen to all your whinings at two a.m. without any complaint but don't expect for me to wait for you to watch that season finale. I'm too much invested, and much too curious to see how things end.

When I say I don't think I'm that good a writer, I mean it and I'm not fishing for compliments. I came across my journal from when I was nineteen and reading it made me cringe so hard that ten pages down I deleted the file and swore never to keep a journal again. So when I make bland comments about writing shit poetry, just laugh with me and talk about Woolf, Keats, and how the Bronte sisters had to write under male pseudonyms.

If you send me links to podcasts, music, and cool lectures, rest assured I'll never open them. I can read anything and everything serious but watching serious stuff makes me go deep inside my head and inside my head is somewhere you really shouldn't be sending me. So while I do want to watch Planet Earth with you, I'd rather open some old vine compilation I found funny two years ago.

There are parts of me that I can't share. Not because you're not special. Just because sometimes letting out the demons you buried long back makes it more difficult to box them all over again and I've grown too weary of hauling those boxes out only to drag them back in.

If you somehow manage to fall for me in spite of all this, don't tell me, and don't make me promises. Just stay and maybe I'll let you stay.