He Can't See You

바꾸다

바꾸다 - to change

Harsh words

I'm still trying to heal from stories that my lips don't dare to form. Harsh words so softly spoken yet they keep hurting like thorns.

- @remanence-of-love (tumblr)

•°。°。°。°。°。°。°。゜。°。°。°。•

Within my 17 years of living, I had to change, quite a lot. Starting from 12 years back, I had to change my childish behavior in order to cope with the world's requirements and understandings. After a while, I learned that it would be the only way to survive.

12 years ago, 2006 -

Those four years of my life were amazing. I had an amazing mother who sang beautiful songs, a strong yet warm-hearted father and stunning older sister. My grandmother, who also lived with us, had arms that would replace my blanket at night and whisked me away from my daily troubles.

My fifth year of living is where everything went downhill. In early January, my grandmother had passed due to a severe illness that my parents refused to tell me about. Not long after, my sister fell into a coma for a matter of 3 months. The pain was too much to handle for my parents, especially for my mother who suffered from the stages of depression. My father, being the breadwinner of the family soon lost his position at work due to a long period of bankruptcy.

It was a difficult time for everyone. Sure, I was there to pat their backs and said 'It's okay' but every night, I squeezed my stuffed bear and cried because it wasn't alright. It would never be alright. That thought had been stuck in my mind until a little bit of light shined on us. My sister finally woke up. Mother's signs of depression gradually began to fade. Father found a new job with better pay.

They all smiled. Sincere smiles. They were happy. I was happy. We were happy. Together. That was until Saturday, May 13, 2006.  We were coming back from a party. Everyone was tired but we all had a good time.

We stopped at a red light. The area wasn't busy but it wasn't empty either. It was a four-way street. Father looked at us through the rearview mirror. "It's been such a long time since we've gone out. Did everyone have fun?" he asked with a cheerful grin.

"Yup!" The rest of us said in unison.

"Good!"

I pointed to the signal. "Greenlight!" I yelled excitedly. He turned around. "Oh, thanks. " He chuckled. What happened next seemed to go so fast. We started moving, not aware of the fact that that would be the last time we would be together. One minute I was smiling and the next, I was crying. Our car seemed to have pushed with such a great force. The vehicle turned about twice before landing on the roof.

I opened my eyes. It was blurry but then I refocused. Blood was the first thing that was spotted. I screamed in terror and pain. Mother's head was bleeding non-stop. Father had glass indented into his body. My sister looked at me with her cold, lifeless eyes. She was like a doll. Beautiful yet broken.

"T-Taehyung. " I heard my mother's weak voice. " Run. We love you. Now go. " were her final words before she drifted off to her endless slumber. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and crawled out the broken window of the car. Glass stuck to my hand but I couldn't feel it. People have crowded around, calling the police and making sure there were survivors. My vision blurred and my body felt weak.

Soon enough, I had passed out in front of many, many people.

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I opened my eyes. Then I close them and opened them up again. My vision was blurry and wouldn't focus. From what I could tell, everything was painfully white but I really didn't know where I was.

"H-hello?" I asked with a quiet voice. I heard a male make a short exclamation. "The kid is up. " He whispered. Who is he talking to? A woman seemed to be on my left. "Hi there. " She said with a kind and gentle tone. I flinched, not expecting her appearance. "H-Hi." I stuttered.

"My name is Seong Hyo-Joo but you can call me Dr. Seong, okay?"

I nodded my head. "What about you? What's your name?" she asked. "Kim Taehyung. " I bit the inside of my lip nervously. My stomach began to churn wildly. "My family is dead,  aren't they?" I deadpanned. There were silence and a bit of a rustling noise. "I knew it. They are gone. " Tears rolled down my cheek but I quickly wiped them. "I can't cry. I can't cry. " I muttered.

Warm arm began to wrap around me. "I'm sorry we couldn't save them Taehyung. " This feeling felt so familiar.
I began to sob, loud and hard.

It was just like grandma's hugs.

"They're not coming back! Grandma, mom, dad and even my sister! They're gone, gone, gone!"

After that day, I learned that I needed to suck up my pain and needed to grow up. Not just for my sake but for the people who left me in this world by accident. It was all by accident.

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