This year is another year of disappointment.
I've failed my family and friends once again.
I don't know how to be a nice person, I don't know how to cure this anger inside me.
I'm afraid that in the future, my life will become worse.
I always write stories and fictions to cover up my depression, and that works quite well, actually. Sometimes, I even design some wallpapers and banners for people on my social media.
And honestly I don't really know for what purpose is that. I don't really know how to express myself over things. I think that is the only way other persons to communicate with me. In a kind of forced way.
But anyway, I love doing those things, even though I always go beyond my limits. It hurts sometimes. When you must do something to just communicate with other people. It's like you don't even exist there for them.
You only exist when you made that thing.
I can't do that anymore, because that is basically not my hobby. That is my desperation to be able to chat with someone, or to have meaningful posts. I know maybe you don't care of this muttering, but I think I must address this.
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My alarm clock woke me up it's that another boring morning again... I just woke up but I feel really tired. Maybe I'm to hard to myself lately, but maybe I just in need of someone's affection and attention.
I'm not that desperate...
...
Or am I? I don't know.
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I quickly go to the bathroom and clean myself, then eat the breakfast that made by my mom. This late morning, I don't have any plans to do so I will just stay in home. Who am I kidding, I always stays in home.
"Do you have any friends visit today?" asks mom. And to answer her I just shake my head, "okay then, if you want to go out, just go. Mom will allow you,"
That's pretty much a bullshit.
I never go out of home is because my parents never allow me to go. They never lend me money or anything to me to buy something freely. I just don't have that much rights. I don't understand.
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I crawl to my bed to just wrap my body with the blanket. My warm fuzzy blanket, I always do this when the weather is cold, with a glass of tea or coffee might be good. But most of the time I just drink warm plain water.
This cold weather and warm beverage makes me sleepy. I think I might get extra sleep for today, even though I just bathed minutes ago.
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...
...
Crap, my phone's ringing. Who the hell sent me a message and miss called me?
'Can I go to your house today? I want to talk about something,' what? Who is this?
Well, because I often curious about my contacts, I decided to reply, 'Who is this? Is this the right number you sent message to?'
What time is it now...?
Oh, it's only 10.15 am. I still have a time to get more sleep apparently. But I think that's enough. I need to get some water again.
