Written In Stars (Ashlok version) Sample

Ch 53

Next morning

After astha awake she stayed in bed. she had told ayi that she needed help in bathing and so she was waiting for the maid to come. She heard the wash room open and shlok strode out, she closed her eyes, modesty wasn't one of his virtues. He hummed a little tune as he pulled on clothes. He seemed to be in great mood.That stung her, why was he so happy.

Shlok turned and saw she was awake. There was a knock on the door. He went to open the door as astha got up into a sitting position.

The maid came in and helped astha wash, and then dress up. Shlok had left the room when the maid came in.

Astha was ready to go downstair with maid when shlok came back inside carrying a tray in his hands. He told the maid to leave. Astha wanted to go with her but she didn't want to create a scene in front of servant.

After the maid left,shlok pointed astha toward the bed, she sat down and he put the tray on table and gave her a bowl of soup. More soup, yuck! but she drank quickly,she wanted to be done quickly,so she could go downstairs

. he watched her drink it and then asked,did she want more, astha replied no. he placed the bowl back on tray. Astha raised her arms,so he could pick her up and carry her downstairs.

He winked at her,''hold your horses, I want to finish the talk we started yesterday.''

Astha put her arms down and looked away from him,'' I don't want to talk about it.''

Shlok was determined to have it in open,'' astha!''

She still didn't look at him, shlok took her hands in his own,she tried to withdraw them but he held on them,''just listen, ok.''

She didn't say anything but she stopped trying to move her hands out of his grasp.

Shlok spoke softly,'' I know you think that I am guilty and that's why I am taking care of you. That's not true. I am taking care of you because I want to do it.''

Astha turned her face toward him, her eyes cynical,''really''.

Shlok didn't let her expressions faze him out,'' You know that I had no idea about those pills,I admit I should have made sure they were safe but I never have to worry about it before and you seem to know what you were doing.''

Astha try to speak but shlok said,''just let me finish then you can say whatever you want.''

Astha,''No,I will not listen to you, listening to you is the reason I am sitting here in this condition. I don't blame you for the damn pills but don't assume that I knew anything about it too. You were the first person I slept with, I knew nothing about all this. You are older than me and you share equal blame, don't just try to pretend you are lilly white and I am the who...''

she left the sentence incomplete, but her meaning was clear.

Shlok stared at her,''I never implied anything like that, you are my wife, I was not trying to say that you were at fault,it was all an accident. I just want to say that my care toward you is not fake. I was mad at you and I thought I will never be able to get over it. I am a man,older and experienced than you, my pride was hurt, my anger was justified because no one wants to be used like that.''

Astha looked away knowing he was right in this instance, but ,''That was an accident too. I never thought about it in that way, I have never heard about seducing your husband to be considered a crime.''

Shlok stared at her,''Our relationship was different, you were not a women to me, you...''he stopped for a moment,''I don't know what you were but you were close to my heart and I thought after you broke my trust, I will hate you forever but with time I learn to tolerate you. It was not easy for me,I felt suffocated and there were times when I want to make you cry because you had caged me and I could go nowhere. To leave you,was to leave my whole family.''

astha had heard enough,she tried to stand up but he stopped her.

Astha,''I don't want to listen to you. I know you hate me.''

Shlok,'' There is a ''but'' coming in, just wait a second.''

Astha stared at him,''Fine, tell me everything and i promise you I am not coming back to this room, I have enough of your sadism.''She fumed.I am not weak,she told herself firmly.

Shlok raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on her ''self talk''which she thought she was having in her head.

Shlok,'' But'' he put pressure on word,'' I realized that It was not true, how can I stay immune to you when I loved you my whole life, there were two times when I knew i was fighting a losing battle, first one is private, I won't share with you and second''

his tone became serious,'' when I saw you in the emergency room'', he raised a finger and put a finger through her open hairs,'' I literally broke down, I realized that you were still my tiny,my feelings toward you were not the same but they were equally powerful.''

He paused for a second, astha stared at him wide eyed.

Shlok,'' I forgave you, I forgave you everything and now I want you to forget everything and try once again with me.''

Astha stared at him, was he saying the truth? did he really mean it?how could she trust him?

She thought about it and then asked him one thing which will always bother her if she didn't ask him,'' If time goes back and you still remember the future and you have to chose again between me and swathi, whom will you chose?''

Shlok let go of her hands and got up,''don't talk rubbish.''

Astha stared at him, her hopeful heart staring through her eyes,''If you love me at all, tell me the truth, If we go back in time and you have to chose whom will you chose?''

Shlok turned toward her his eyes bleak,'' I will chose her because what we had I would never have let it go.''

Her heart shattered in tiny pieces, she looked away from him, breathing became difficult for a moment and then she said,'' I can't live with you anymore. I think we should separate.''

Shlok sat down back on bed and stared at her, he tried to say something and then stopped and sighed,''You still don't understand it,do you? I will never let you go because I know you love me and even if I wanted, we can never let go of each other, its not just our lives any more, baba may agree but he will ask you the reason and if he didn't ayi will, if ayi didn't jyo will or varad or ataya or everyone we know! it will become too much, everyone will take sides and our family will be divided and at the end,one person will have to leave.''

Astha stared at him not wanting to believe him, '' I will go away before that happened. I am the outsider anyway.''

His eyes borrowed into her,''did you know how we all felt when you were in hospital! if you knew you would never say it. I will have to leave,when last time I refused to marry you,it was I who baba was going to throw out with out a second thought.'' His tone became bitter with remembered pain,''you know where you are, I was there nearly 4 years ago when I was asked to marry you and if you took the decision to get separated, in coming years you will realize how right I was,so please for once listen to me.''

They stared at each other, astha with a realization that he was right, she was never going to get away from this relationship, she had caged herself in because she could live without shlok but she would not be able to live without ayi or baba, she would not be able to live without little kavya and if shlok left,those relations will scatter too. Ayi will never forgive her and may be someday baba will get bitter over it too.

Shlok looked away,''think about it astha, you have time, think about it.''

Astha sat there quiet and then said,'' I want to go downstairs''

Shlok lifted her without a word and carried her downstairs.