Chapter 2: Homecoming and Meeting

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2018, New York, 15h55


I listened to this music all day long. My mother played the violin.

 She loved this piece and me too. Only now that she is no more, he has lost his taste, his sweetness, his interest. In my eyes anyway. In the eyes of my sister he is still so beautiful. After daddy's death mom is still intact at home.

His feelings, his emotions. I lost everything. All. My emotions are gone, I do not feel anything anymore. Sadness, joy, anger, disgust. I dropped everything. At first I thought that without them it was not worth it.

But at the end of the year, I found that completely stupid. However, I did not manage to recover my emotions. My eyes do not reflect anything. When I started writing in this diary, I was in my final year of high school.

I was seventeen. It's been four years since I bought this shit, four years that it is placed on my nightstand, four years that I look at it for a long time every morning and that I think that if my life had been better, I do not I would not have bought it.

Four years that I listen to loop this music without really listening. I am twenty-one years old now, I still live with my sister who grew up and grew up. I did not move. I am still a child unable to manage life alone. Unable to be myself. What bullshit. Eloha at twenty-eight today, she's a guy, she's pregnant. She has a life. And I still live at home.

I rotten her life and she dares not admit it to me. That's why today I'm taking things in my hands. I do not want to be a drag on her anymore.

 I do not want to be a drag on her anymore

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I'm at the airport.

 I decided to go to my aunt's house in Martinique. I called her a few days ago, I told her the situation and she accepted me at her place.

Eloha does not know about it and I do not want her to be. I hate his guy. He blames me all the time and my sister does not say anything. She never says anything when it comes to Joan. It is an asshole who exploits while overeating.

She is eight months pregnant and she does absolutely everything. Yet she is only saying that she is happy. I do not believe it but I respect its decisions. Anyway I'm not able to judge her.

I am not able to do anything. It's been eighteen years since I've seen Rowanne, my father's sister. Martinique is far behind me and I have no memory of it.

I have several hours of flight before arriving there

 There are not many people in the device and I am delighted.

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