First Memories

One of my earlies memories is of me and my great gammie baking. We were baking a cake (or some shit like that. I dont really remember), and after we had it all mixed up she bent over to put it in the oven. I toddled up behind her, promptly grabbed her right on the ass and told her, "Gammie you have a very saggy bum,". Needless to say, I did not get my piece of the cake that afternoon.

The next memory I have is of playing behind my grandparents house with my cousin. I was around 4, and she would have been 5. Our grandparents lived near a cement mixing facility, and there was a gigantic gravel pile that we had dubbed Rocky Mountain. Clever, am I right? Any hoodle-doodle, we would climb this thing for hours at a time, just for shits and giggles, and we would often find "treasures" such as grassshopper carcasses, or dead mice. Now, we couldn't let our nana find these treasures lest she take them away, so what did we do with them? We shoved them in our underwear, of course! How we didn't die of crotch disease I do not know, but over tme we built up a very impressive collection in the basement. When our nana found our treasures, she was horrified to say the least. We cried as she threw the dead mice and bugs in the trash, and cried even harder when she asked us how we had been smuggling dead things into the house, but my grandmother is a very persistent woman and we knew it would just get worse if we didn't tell her. I've never seen someone go so pale so fast. She immediately took us to a drop in clinic in the city to have us checked out, yelling at us the whole half hour ride. That was the last time we ever ventured out to Rocky Mountain.

The year after that fiasco, I entered kindergarten. I made friends, the first I'd ever had. Even though I lived smack in the center of town and lots of other kids lived nearby, I played by myself all the time because I had a hard time talking to people (TBH I haven't made new friends since then, it's still the same six people plus or minus a few.). One day in gym class, we were playing a very dumb game named Octopus. The octopus stood in the middle, while we tried to sprint across the gym. A few rounds in I was one of the last people in the game, and it was a big deal to win. When the whistle blew I ran for my life, dodging other students like a gazelle dodges a lion. Without realizing how close I was to the wall, I turned to look behind me. By the time I turned around it was too late. I ran face first into the brick wall and knocked myself the hell out. I awoke thirty seconds later choking on my own nose-blood and started to cry. The school phoned my mother but she wouldn't be able to get to the school for an hour at least. While I was waiting, a boy from my class came up to me and said, "You know, I heard that if you cry during a nosebleed you'll die. You should really stop before something bad happens.". That little shit scared me so bad I began to hyper-ventilate and passed out again. When my mother came for me I was out cold on the class room floor, so she took me to the doctor. They waited until I woke up before he looked at my nose because I don't know why. While he was examining me, I made him promise not to touch my face and he agreed that he wouldn't. That lying asshole told me to turn my face, grabbed my nose and snapped it back into place. I passed out for the third time that day, and it's still one of my mom's favourite stories to tell to this day. I got three days off of school and a huge get well soon card though, so I guess it was worth it.

Those are three of the first memories I have, and they all sucked to experience but made for great stroies! thanks for reading :)