Catching Feelings

REMEMBERING SHAKIL TOGETHER

I do not own these characters or Eastenders Im just writing bits and bobs for my own entertainment

Shakil was one of a kind, loving, funny, courageous and was full of charisma. He would always talk about music and basketball joking about how old fashioned his mum and older brother was. It just didn't feel right, it felt weird knowing that he was gone. We will never see his smile or hear his laugh ever again.

We were all in that club together celebrating our best friend's life. Keegan looked like he was drinking his life away. From his look I could tell his spirit was being suffocated in by guilt and despair. He would always pull a hard face try to be the bigger man but his ego wasn't his best friend today. I noticed small things about him today like his mix of emotions. I've never really got along with Keegan nor his annoying sister but I knew he cared a lot about Shakky.

I was never a drinker, despised it after the trauma from dad and from me almost dying from that house party but I was also sad and wanted to wash my sorrows down with alcohol. The night was slowly becoming better with our spin the bottle game. I noticed that I was starting to get a bit tipsy as I continued to take shots each one feeling like flames going down my system.

The bottle first span on Bernie and Tiff forcing them to share a kiss which surprisingly looked like they enjoyed it. Keegan then grabbed the bottle spinning it around as it pointed towards him. The delighted look on his eyes when he knew that he had to kiss Tiffany gave me a slight pinch in the chest. I didn't want to be bothered by it but I couldn't despite the fact that I have a boyfriend. They leaned in and pressed lips while I slightly looked away. During that moment I felt a heap of emotions hit me like flames. I was angry, irritated but most of all upset.

Hunter my boyfriend never really knew Shakky in fact they never really talked unless Keegan was with them both. It was awkward when they would hang out but Keegan was the bridge of their friendship without him nothing happened. I noticed Keegan had a lot in common with both Shakky and Hunter and is secretly a nice and soft guy compared to the dreadful bad boy image he often shows. I noticed that his sharp brown eyes would soften when he though about Shakky. They would have banter that me and Bexs never understood. Sometimes they would pull pranks on us  just to get a laugh. Even though it was annoying at the time and I hated them for it I got to understand that it was how they bonded.

I continued to eye the pair until even after the kiss. Couldn't help myself but feel jealous over the sudden action.
"Am I drunk?" I thought to myself. Contemplating on what was going on with my emotions. I would never feel upset about a kiss between two people who I consider as acquaintances this was a new feeling.  I knew everyone was trying to have a good time remembering Shakky in a positive way to move on but the atmosphere in the bar was too cloudy to think positive.
Bexs looked like she was trying to enjoying herself but deep down I knew how much she loved him. There would be days when she would talk to me about how she wanted to tell him how she truly felt and apologise for what she did to him. She would always ask Shakky to hang out to try get closer to him but deep down she knew that the relationship they once had would never really happen again and she despised that.

I noticed Keegan walking outside the club while everyone was talking about Shakky. Everyone seemed too drunk to even bother slurping their words as they started sentences.
I noticed that he left his phone on the seat he was taking a while to come back so I walked towards where he went to see what was going on. 
He was outside Leaning against the wall his body slowly shaking. Hearing sobs and moans from his direction I knew he was crying. I walked towards him patted him on the shoulder trying to comfort him. I've never seen him cry before this was a completely new experience for me. He felt my hand and got defensive turning around in a fast pace and when he saw me he quickly turned back to wipe his tears going back to his hard self.

"What do you want?" He asked  back in his cold demeanour which made me contemplate if I should've really followed him.  I rolled my eyes at his attitude walking back to the club. He turned back around.

"Wait!" He said grabbing my wrist to keep me in one place making me turn around to face him. I looked at him noticing the despair in his eyes as he began to cry again. Lightly pulling me towards him a tear escaped my eyes too.

"I just can't stop thinking about him." he said his voice cracking up as his tears made strands on his face.

"Neither can I." I replied back moving closer to him. We reminisced about the past for sometime as we got closer together. Both drunk both upset we related to each other and conversed. Shakky was all we talked about that night, the light smile he would give me when he spoke about playing basketball with his best friend. Talking to Keegan made me realise his gentle side was never meant to be shown by anyone.
We looked at each other saying nothing it was like just us two. My heart started beating fast and my stomach felt like a bunch of butterflies were flapping their wings around. The worst thing was being drunk because I didn't exactly know what was going on. He then started to lean in pressing his lips on mine.

The kiss was unexpected and alluring. It wasn't passionate but light.  I tried to break the kiss because I knew I was doing something wrong. My mind told me I needed to leave but my heart told me to continue. Me saying I didn't like would be wrong because I did. He kissed me again but this time I joined in. The last thing I remember that night is us breaking the kiss and Keegan walking me home. This whole night as a whole put me to deep thoughts about my life.

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This is just something I wrote because Im bored and unsatisfied with the way Eastenders is handling the teens. I don't know If I'm going to continue this fic but If I do everyone in the gang gets their own POV chapter btw this was Louise's POV.

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