Ripped Away

Chapter 6

I woke up at nine oclock the next morning.  Usually, I would just lay in bed until my mom came to force me to get up.  But today I did it on my own.  I knew what I had to do today, and I felt physically sick.  I wasn't sure exactly when I was going to do it.  I wanted to do what Richie had planned to do himself.  We would just walk inside holding hands, or maybe let her catch us kissing.  But I wasn't going to wake him up for that.  So I had to wait and try to act like nothing was wrong.

I went downstairs and found Bryce and my mom in the kitchen.

"Look who's actually decided to wake up at a reasonable hour!"  Mom smiled, "Want some breakfast?  You didn't miss it for once."

"Sure."  I shrugged, even though the thought of food made me feel even sicker.

I sat next to Bryce at the square breakfast table at the corner of the room.  He looked up from his plate.  He could tell something was wrong with me.  It was easy to see that he knew exactly what it was.  He gave me a sympathetic look and lightly kicked my foot.  At least I knew I still had him.  

Mom set a plate of eggs and toast in front of me.  I mumbled a 'thank you' to her, then spent twenty minutes pushing the food around with my fork.

"You know, God didn't give you that food for you not to eat it."  Mom said, finally getting aggravated with my lack of appetite.

"God didn't give it to me," I groaned, "You did."

She gave me a weird look; but not an angry one.  I let her take my plate from me, then watched her eat it herself.  When she finished, she put the plate in the sink and sat down with me at the table.

"Noah, what's up?"  She asked, realizing I wasn't acting normally.

"Nothing."  I said quietly, knowing she wouldn't buy it.

"Baby, please."  She said, taking one of my hands in hers, "You can tell me."

I looked up at her.  Her long blond hair was pulled up in a tight bun like it usually was.  She was wearing a baggy grey sweatshirt and running shorts.  She didn't look like the type of mom who would disown her child for anything.  She looked so laid back and easy.  Which she usually was.  Telling her I would never live the life she wanted for me would definitely turn her to her dark side.

I started shaking, knowing that my life was soon going to be a lot different.  I didn't want to tell her now.  I wanted to wait and have Richie be here.  But from the way this was going, it seemed that that wasn't going to happen.  I could feel tears stinging my eyes, begging to be released.  But I tried to hold them back.  I wasn't ready to tell her.  I hadn't had enough time to prepare myself.  I let myself sit there, quietly shaking and trying not to cry.  My mom just watched me, waiting for me to either calm down or talk.  Her eyes looked so patient.  But I still felt terrible.  After I spent three minutes shaking violently, I decided I had to say something.

"What would it take for you to stop loving me?"  I asked, finally looking her in the eyes.

"Noah, what kind of question is that?  You know I love you unconditionally."

"No.  There has to be something.  What if I was some kind of mass murderer?  You'd stop loving me then, right?"

"Well, I wouldn't be very happy with you." She smiled, trying to make the tension lighter. "But I would still love you.  You're my first baby, Noah.  There's nothing you could ever do that would make you lose all of my love."

I was quiet again, so she kept talking.

"Please, Noah.  Whatever it is.  I won't be mad."

"Yes you will."  I said, finally letting some tears roll down my face.