A part of my life

My life unfinshed..

It's been a long seventeen years sometimes i feel like I'm fifty something. Maybe because of all the things I've been through and all the people I've lost. I. try not to love so hard because I always end up heartbroken. I tried to love people from a distance but it never seems to work. The beginning all started on November 14,1996 when I was born to two people who weren't ready to be parents. In 1998 my dad went to prison for selling dope,they gave him eight years. My mom only got three months in jail and five months on probation. Somehow I think my life would be different if it was the other way around. In 2000 my mother's brother was killed in the projects so they say. I don't think I ever met him though. In 2003 I went to my first funeral my dad's oldest brother died from pneumonia.He was really nice,he always gave my brother and I snacks when we came over. In 2004 one of the worst years of my life. I was getting molested by my mommas boyfriend well one of them.  The one who raised me or whatever you want to call it was in jail at the time. Ill never forget it felt like it went on forever. The very first time he came in my room I told my mom.SHe asked him,he said no and she left it alone. End of story.Every night after they got done having sex he would take a shower then Come in my room with a towel on. He would touch my private areas and make me suck his penis. I will never understand what makes a grown man want an innocent child. This went on for months then came October 2004. School was out for spring break. I was with my brother and then teen-aged uncle who also molested me but I didn't ever tell anyone. Long story short I got hit by a car and went to the childrens hospital in macon. When I was released from the hospital the child molester and my mom came and got me. He was still coming in my room. And on October 31,2004 my brothers birthday the day my mother saw him lying on top of me and still to this day denies seeing anything at all. From that point on I hated her and I still hold a grudge for both of them. Sometimes my mom used to beat me and my brother for almost anything. I mean I was a bad ass kid but I hated seeing her struggle. we spent many nights in the dark and without water I hated that.I would go to school smile make every body laugh and when I got back on the bus at the end of the day i would cry cause I knew what was in store when I got home.

In 2006 I lost my godmother I loved that woman to death she had a massive heart attack.My dad also got out of prison that year. I thought my life would be better but all the false promises he told me when he was in prison never came true.He put his women first. One day he told me he was gonna come get me and he didn't, that was the first time I tried to kill myself. I took twelve pills but I lied and told the people at the hospital that I had a headache. The second time I got tired of things at home and I took 27 pills. man I thought I was dead..they made me drink charcoal drip. that shit was horrible.They sent me to a mental hospital and diagnosed me with depression.In 2012 I lost another uncle my dads middle brother. I couldn't believe it he was like a father to me. I took his death really hard tried to kill myself again went back to a mental hospital that summer. Then my mom lost custody. I moved with my cousin I started having sex,getting drunk,getting high, fighting,running away and all kinda shit. Now its 2014 I'm about to be 18 and in the 12th grade perfect right? well except I'm pregnant.yep seventeen and pregnant I never thought this would happen but it did. Its a boy and I'm happy I plan to give him the best life ever. I love his daddy so much it's amazing. But anyways I plan to go to the airforce after I finish school. anyways you can judge me if u want but that's my life