he should have said

why dont you ever learn

It dulls down in time, from a searing pain to a dull emptiness. Theres a time after so much bullshit when you just stop believing. Stop believing the girl in the yellow dress (abbey), the short haired girl (Tayla), the girl that you felt was yours since 8 (Montana), your best friends girl (Yvette). You stop believing any of them ever had a shred of feeling towards you, you even start to doubt your own feelings. Then there are friends who think its fun to joke about the feelings you have got left, like that is what it is, a joke. They know your head over heels for her. And you know she's(T) said something. Good or bad you cant help but be curious. But you can only prod so far and you just give up. Fuck em you think. If she does like me, she'll tell me. If not, she will only be confirming my suspicions. But like you hadn't learned before, you take the leap, ask her to be your girl. You tell her then and there that you are in love with her. She kisses you, then punches you in the face and screams at you, never come near me again.(didn't actually happen.)

That punch sends you down the hole as deep as tartarus. There's no coming back from that...

And then theres the new girl. Best friends with your ex. Book buddies or some shit. She's the unknown. From the day you first see her in class, easily the smartest in her year, easily the most shy. You think somehow she's immortal, wise beyond her years. Maybe with a new girl comes a new start... wrong!!!

You cant even talk to her, afraid she would take offense to something you say. That your traits you try so hard to suppress rush out, your anger, loss for words, spacing out and end up staring.

Then theres the story... Sweet 16, written by none other than, Anonymous. The new girls story. About her and some girl. You just don't know about her anymore. Your overactive brain takes this for fodder and churns the thought over and over, what if its just a story. What if it is her true colours shining through, you just don't know. Your friends think you're an idiot for trying to take clues, they can only see the story for the collection of 500 words on a piece of paper. They can only see the jokes they can make at your expense, laughing at you trying to decode a message written in plain English as if it were in klingon or something. (you may need to read the story "Sweet sixteen" to understand what I'm going on about.)

You can see she's coming out of her shell. But she's still friends with the one you vowed you wouldn't talk to again, in the same clique. The more you try to get by her side, the farther from her you get, like fighting and your only option is death, but you cant give up, not yet.