he should have said

first kiss is the spark

Love is a burning flame that consumes us from the inside out. The first kiss is the spark, past memories the fuel. The first weeks are fine, the flame happily simmering away. The honeymoon period, nothing could go wrong and every love song is about you two. Like all good things though this comes to an end, leaving only the jealousy and guilt. The fire burnt too bright and too fast. It gets too much, she leaves to reignite the flame, with another guy. It leaves you with only the memories and the burn marks of her on your heart. Burns never really heal but ice helps, maybe that why people who have been on the receiving end of the burns to the heart are so cold hearted to keep the pain bearable, as soon as you let someone else thaw that heart, all the pain, previous love, all the good bad and horrible feelings come pouring out in the tears that comes after. The worst feeling is being alone when that happens because all that can stop the pain is a hug from the one you love. When your alone, sometimes the tears aren't enough, you want to get rid of all the grief, sadness, despair in your body, you think the only way to do that is with a certain sharp razor. At this point you couldn't care less about anyone else, anyone you ever loved, it just hurts too much, the only thing you feel is the razor blade in your sweaty palm and the pulsating of the pain around your broken beyond repair body. the pain like salt to the wound you were about to make. Before you can, the light flickers on a single bulb that illuminates the one. Her standing there in that beautiful yellow lace summer dress. With her dull blonde hair that is shaved at the back. She slides up next to you and gently takes the razor from your hand and kisses the spot the razor was about to. It burns through your entire wrist, 1000 times hotter in that single point of contact than the flame that caused the problem in the first place ever did. First kiss is the spark. (didn't actually happen. A metaphor for her joining my life, I guess? I'm not really sure what's with the yellow dress, ive never seen abbey in a dress, other than school...)

But what happens when the one you love, the one that has ignited the fire in you 'isnt sure', is too oblivious to let the fire in her grow. She would rather someone else. When you are not the one who can calm her river of tears. What if she is about to do the same thing as the previous girl did. Like every girl did. Everyone told you that, but no you said she was different. The supidity of you right now, there is never that girl who 'is different'. She will give you a chance, like it's a charity or something, she will give you exactly three weeks and 3 days. The last one your birthday. The knowing that she doesn't feel the same way kicks you straight back into the hole you had just started to climb out of, if she noticed, she didn't say anything, preferring to snuggle next to the one she knew she did like. You asked for help, literally, you wrote help me plz on the table for everyone to see (true). She still will say nothing which makes you wonder, whats the point. If literally asking for help from her doesn't work, you'll decide to pick old wounds and call the girl whos heart you broke. This only fills in the hole you're in, finding out she has found her "the one" and is happier than she was ever with you.

Her hug, to her is just a hug, to you is the only thing you want, like being wrapped in the softest feather duvet that completely negates all the feelings of sadness or regret. The hopelessness of it all, not wanting to let go, because you know there will never be another that sets you on fire so much. Yet she wants you to have no hard feelings, well I'm sorry but love is the definition of hard feelings. You can go on pretending like you don't care but that heart will freeze, never to thaw again. She wont realize that maybe he was the one until she reads this and realizes its too late to say sorry now (Yes it is a JB reference). You're gone, not physically but his is no longer mentally able to hold a spark, let alone a flame. The tears snuffs them out too fast.

Its all over, the fire has been extinguished. Nothing feels the same you feel like you are about to cry when the same love songs come on that was once about you and her, you cant focus on anything but that empty pit in your chest. Your friends try to help but you take it the wrong way and snap at them.