Corrupted lies

Why?

I was never strong....the character I was represented that,not me I never had a feeling of happiness or warmth ever strike me so deep that I smiled never ever did I show emotion
Because at the age of 12...being abandoned by your parents,being abused,sexually harassed isn't something to be happy about I never had time for myself I always put myself last...even though maybe that wasn't enough I wanted to show how broken and betrayed I felt,how much pain there is seeking through the scars...when you touch it it'll hurt but I'll hide it..I always hid it..at the point where I didn't give a fuck anymore, My dream only disturbed because people have opinions and won't bother to let them hurt them, does anyone actually think that I hate to fight a clan of bad people? Did anyone ask me "what do you want to be when you grow up" as  a girl of 6 years I had a dream.. other little girls would say " I want to be a mom" or " teacher is also nice"...that was what I was supposed to say no other thing was allowed, In a family of a elegant house wife kissing a man for his money, it's a thing...I guess, when I grew up I wanted to be like black widow kicking ass being strong but that'll never happen right? Until they threw me and my brothers in a machine purely for money and pride... was it an wish that came out? Or a traumatising nightmare? I knew that they would show us on tv once and then let us wait in silence until there were no 2 people pretending to care about us.
I pretend...for my brothers, not the love I love them too much but....the fact that if I'll be sad I was seen as a drama queen that didn't know how to act... but me as a girl__

Kian: hey...y/n are you there?....y/n HELLO?
y/n: Oh what happened?
Kian: you were crying
Y/n: in my sleep?
kian: yes I don't know how but__
Y/n: wait! How are you in here and...what are you doing here!
Kian: shhhh I came because I heard soft crying..I thought...I thought something happened to you
Y/n: aw thats sweet but I can take care of myself and you really don't have to__
Kian: why were you crying? ( he asked with worried eyes)
Y/n: k-kian I,it just...it wasn't anything go to sleep and..where is sam?
Kian: he is called by jin but please tell me..I know
Y/n: what do you mean you "know"
Kian:  I know you couldn't be free
Y/n:.......I just it um...what?
Kian: you are broken I can feel it
Y/n:  you can't feel my emotions
Kian:  but I want to ( he said as he tilted my chin and came closer)
Y/n: stop...me being sad is just unreal ,crazy and perfectly__
Kian: fine ( he came even more closer and now his nose is basically touching mine)

As he leaned in I watched him do it because I didn't want to stop him it felt like I was taking  revenge which felt good and so hurtful at the same time...he wiped my old tears traced my lips and kissed me I didn't think I would kiss him back but I just...did, it was weak from my side..broken and empty...not like the others with him

Kian: goodnight y/n
Y/n: I'm going for a walk
Kian: alrighty

"why is everyone so naive?!"
I shouted the further I got from the camp

Is their anyone that likes me..does anyone care for who I am?
Nope
I just sat there on a branch watching the moon rise higher and higher so it could light up the world
Y/n: hey little buddy.....what are you doing here

I just found a kitten that was obviously hurt one of it's paws couldn't move so I decided to bring it back to camp after I went to my rather "special" place....I walked and walked until I found it and sat down with my kitty

Y/n: did someone abandon you too?...aah yes I understand, do you have a mom? ....
O wow really where is she then?...aww sad..but I'll keep you...are you a girl or a boy? A boy? Yay then I'll name you kai..kai is alright? Yes? Ok kai lets go back it's almost day

Y/n: stupid thorns au ouch they hurt very bad but don't worry kai I won't let it hurt you
Kai: meow meow meow
Y/n: your so cute
Kai: meow
Y/n: your welcome but by the way what's your age?
Kai: meow meow
Y/n: your 4 months young? Wow....Ryan will be so happy to see that I got him a pet he loves cats dogs a bit more but your honestly very  beautiful because you have all the colours on your fur
Kai: meow meow meow meow meow meow
Y/n: oh really? You have a albino sister, where is she?
Kai: meow meow meow
Y/n: awwww thats  really___wait... do you mean killed by guys in black and lilac colours on their jacket
Kai: meow
Y/n: was there "savage" written on the sleeves?
Kai: meow,meow meow?
Y/n: yes I know them they are very bad but do you know where they are?
Kai meowwwwww.....meow meow meow meow
Y/n: o my gosh I love you kai! Lets run so we can be there fast

Back at base camp

Y/n: oh we're finally there and you cam just settle here if ___
Jin: Y/N!
Y/n: oh gosh... what happened?
Jin: we were so worried where you went
Y/n: worried? Or just mad that I maybe escaped!
Jin: y/n..thats not what I meant
Y/n: alright but don't treat me like I'm special ok?
Jin:  yes ok ( walks away with wet eyes)
Y/n: ugh... kai I really didn't control my feelings but I-I don't know
Kai: meow meow...meow
Y/n: thanks kai