heavy panting. shaky exhales. hands fidgeting.
trying to make it past the living room to his safe haven. where his ugliness are all kept, where he tries so hard to lock it inside so no one will see.
no one needs to see.
"babe,—"
"shut up!"
the bang of the door was loud in his ears, and he finds himself leaning back to it, not even bothering to take off his clothes that are starting to become too much, to the point that he feels trapped in it, stuck.
his hands quickly find it way to his black hair, slightly greasy and wet from sweat. he pulls in it, trying hard to suppress everything inside, to not let the monster out.
what, you're hiding me now?
at this point he can't stop the tears that starts running down his face. eyes brimming with wetness that makes everything look blurry. he screams his lungs out, hitting his head back at the door to try and let him leave. he kicks his feet, feeling like someone was pulling on them when in fact he's alone, fighting with himself.
"taehyung? please," soft whispers and soft knocks at his door did nothing to calm him down. he screams again, louder than before, and at this rate the neighbors will probably complain again but he can't find himself to care.
he wants so bad to open that goddamn door, for her to embrace out all the darkness within him. but no, he can't do that. he wouldn't risk it.
"stop it, stop it, stop it," he mumbles like a mantra, repeating the words over and over again as if they'll do something to actually make this all stop.
stop what? me? tsk. didn't you ever learn honey?
"please leave. p-please." he stutters.
he hates himself so much, this cowardice, he can't even control his own mind and body. he just let's the monster take over him until he can't feel himself anymore.
but this is where I live, why are you making me leave?
he shakes his head, tired, exhausted. and it's happening again. he's letting him take over him again.
and he's such a coward, he can't do anything about it.
--
end of ch 1.
