Inescapable

Chapter 1

"I'm a creep... I'm a weir---"

"Kung ako kasi sa 'yo caller, 'wag kang magpanggap na kaya mo---"

"Siguro'y umiibig kahit 'di mo pinapansin---"

"One last cry, one last cry, before I leave it all behind. I gotta---"

"This time check is brougt to you by---"

Tinigil ko na ang paglilipat-lipat ng radio channel sa phone ko. I shook my head. There's nothing good to listen to. Everything was just ridiculous! I removed my earphones from my ears and mula sa pagkakatihaya ay dumapa ako sa kutson kong nakalatag sa sahig.

I rubbed my nose. My bedsheet stinks. Almost one month ko na kasi 'tong hindi nalalabhan, but I don't care, wala namang ibang aamoy bukod sa akin.
Dumagdag pa sa baho ng paligid ang amoy ng lupang nababasa dahil sa pagpatak ng ulan sa labas ng apartment na inuupahan ko.

By this time, it would be really nice to watch the droplets of rain racing to fall on my glass window while listening to good music. Pero, walang good music. I closed my eyes and sighed. I threw away some memories and unfortunately nasama doon ang mga songs sa playlist ko. I looked at the broken SD card na hinagis ko sa corner ng kwarto ko, I somehow regret na sinira ko iyon.

I stood up and walked towards the switch of the lights then turned it on. The moment I saw how mess my room was, it just reminded me of what is my situation right now. I smiled a bittersweet smile while biting my lower lip. My room was a trash, just like my life. I harshly wiped the tear that fell from my left eye.

I felt my knees go weak kaya sinandal ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pinto while hugging my knees. I looked around my room. I could see my bracelets—some are broken, my clothes are scattered on the floor, and I didn't know which are clean or dirty, may mga crumpled pages ng sketchbook na pinunit, mga putol-putol na lapis—mostly colored pencils that also failed to give colors to my life. Everything was a mess!

I pressed my face unto my knees to hide my tears kahit wala namang nakakakita sa akin. Dito lang naman kasi ako magaling, sa pagtatago. I hugged my knees tighter, so hard that my nails are burying into my legs. Gusto kong masaktan, physically, that would made me forget the pain in my chest.

Bakit ba kasi mag-isa lang ako? Bakit ba ang dali kong iwanan? Bakit walang nagmamahal sa akin? Napaka-walang kwenta ko, bakit ba kasi nabuhay pa ako?

Tinakpan ko ng mga kamay ko ang magkabila kong tenga.

"Ayoko na," I whispered to myself with a croak voice. I'm already tired. Nakakabingi.

Without energy, I went back to my bed, crawling, then put my earphones on. Mas maayos nang makarinig ng mga nonsense from the radio than to be deaf with all the voices in my head. I put the volume on the loudest.

"Ay, oh, saktong alas-dose na ng hatinggabi, bakit gising ka pa? Hahahaha! Matulog ka na-ay! 'Wag muna pala, dahil nakikinig ka pa sa pinakamagandang DJ sa balat ng saging-"

I smiled. It's already January 13. It's already my 17th birthday. My birthday without cake, without balloons, without a party, without happiness, just pure misery. Tumawa ako nang sarcastic. It's my third time celebrating alone with sorrow, sanay na rin ako somehow.

I layed down to my bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. Hindi ko na naiintindihan kung anong nagpeplay sa radio, wala rin naman akong interes para intindihin.

My phone suddenly vibrated, notified me that there is a message. I smirked. It's probably one of those people who calls me their friend na hihingi lang naman ng favor na gawin ang assignment nila, or one of the group chats and bibigyan na naman ako ng napakaraming tasks. Those parasites!

I opened the message and I saw a familiar name but still didn't know who it was. I rolled my eyes to express annoyance with the person who messaged me kahit hindi niya naman ako nakikita personally.

Maikel Villanos
Hi! I just want to remind you that you are loved and worthy. Huwag kang susuko. Smile! :)

Pass this to 10 people you want to be reminded and your wish will be granted.

After I read the message, I don't know why, but I blurted in laughter. I laugh really hard na naiiyak na ako. May naniniwala pa rin pala sa mga chain messages?

Hindi ko na siya nireply-an or even pass it instead I put the message on the archives.

*

Everything will soon fade and end, katulad na lang ng mga dahong nahuhulog mula sa punong nakatanim sa labas ng classroom namin. I was watching the leaves fall mula sa bukas na bintana ng room.

I sighed. Wala talagang permanente dito sa mundo; may matatapos, mawawala, magbabago, and that was both good and bad thing for me. That was good because we got to experience new things other that one that ended, and bad lalo na kung nasanay na tayo sa bagay na 'yon. Adjusting is really difficult!

I blinked several times nang parang may tumatamang lights sa mata ko. I looked around the classroom; my classmates are holding their snacks, eating, because obviously break time namin ngayon. But it was really strange na may disco lights na nakaplace sa teacher's table. The walls are designed with different colors of moving lights. Everyone started to cheer, sing, and dance joyfully when a fast-beat music played. What was really happening right now?

Mas lalo pang gumulo nang maglaro ng balloons ang mga kaklase ko. They were passing the balloon to each other, not minding kung kanina ito mapupunta. I closed my eyes in annoyance when a balloon hit my head.

"Sorry," I heard someone quickly said the nagpatuloy ulit sa paglalaro.

Suddenly, parang nagfreeze ang lahat when our adviser entered the room. She was holding a medium-sized cake with chocolate frosting and some cherries on top, and there's also a lighted candle on it.

I sarcastically chuckled then put my sight on the tree outside. Nakakaawa ako. I was assuming that someone has prepared everything in the room... for me. It was just so funny.

"Happy birthday, Teia," a sweet voice near me said. It's from our adviser.

I looked at her as if I am reading her. Nilalahad niya sa harap ko ang cake. I arched my brows. I was totally clueless. Is someone tripping on me?

"Blow your candle na, and make a wish." She was smiling at me. Her eyes are twinkling. And that's so weird.

I shook my head. Nawala ang ngiti ng teacher namin. She stared at me. She looked puzzled and was like trying to figure out what's running in my mind.

If I blew it, it's like I am accepting everything. Ayokong magkaroon ng utang na loob. What if may kapalit pala lahat ng ito? Ayoko.

"Ma'am, sa 'yo na lang 'yang cake na 'yan, or kung ayaw ni'yo naman, just throw it away," I bluntly said then tumungo na lang sa desk ng armchair ko.

"But... it was for you. Didn't you appreciate it? Pinaghandaan pa naman lahat ng 'to ng isang taong sobrang nagmamahal sa iyo." My chest felth heavy after hearing what she said.

Sobrang nagmamahal sa akin? Who? I felt that my cheeks are getting wet. I hate to admit it, but I... I appreciate the effort. Thanks to that person kung sino man siya. I just can't accept it because it was too good to be true.