Inescapable

Chapter 2

It's almost five months since my birthday happened pero hina-hunt pa rin ako ng thought na that sort of 'surprising' moment will soon send me a payback. May ilulungkot pa ba 'tong buhay ko? I wish none. And besides, as far as I know, hindi ko naman iyon tinanggap, so why does it keep on bothering me?

Also, it's exactly four days since nag-start ang battle ko as a senior highschool student. Nakaka-deceive talaga ang mga simula, it will make me believe that everything is easy, but sooner or later, unti-unti na rin ako nitong papatayin.

But for now that I'm still alive, hinahayaan kong maramdaman ng likod ko 'yung roughness ng mango tree na sinasandalan ko. Actually, kanina pa ako kinakagat ng mga langgam but, I don't care. It's not the most painful thing I would be experiencing. Atleast, nakakaramdam pa ako ng itchiness, proof that I still have a life.

Hinampas ko nang mahina ang kanang braso ko when I felt there was something crawling on it. I scratched it a few seconds then ignore it totally.

Magaan kong kinukulayan ang ini-sketch ko, which is the reference I used was the guy who is sitting on the bench near me. Naka-earphones siya and nakapikit ang mga mata. I only did a quick sketch that lasted for 20 minutes. Ayaw ko naman kasing mag-exert ng much effort sa bagay na alam kong mapupunta lang din sa basurahan.

I don't know who the guy was but I had the urge to draw him, gawa na rin ng magandang hit sa kaniya ng sunlight. The shadows and highlights from his angle are forming a good figure.

I took a glance on what I'm doing and habang tumatagal, pumapangit nang pumapangit ang ginagawa ko. Hindi talaga ako marunong magkulay. I didn't finish coloring and pinunit ko na lang ang page ng sketchbook ko kung saan naka-draw 'yung guy. I threw it somewhere and it was followed by a shout.

"Hey!" Napalingon ako sa right side kung saan galing 'yung matinis na boses. I saw a girl with a brown hair and a bangs. She was probably 4"11, three inches smaller than me, and she looks familiar for me.

"Hindi mo ba 'yun kayang basahin?" Tinuro niya ang wooden signage na nakasabit sa isa pang puno. It says, "Let's keep the school garden clean. Thank you." written in a typography style. Not printed but it's hand-made. This school wasn't an art school for nothing.

But after a second or two of being amazed by how the signage was made, I felt how embarrassment crawls on my entire body katulad nang paggapang sa akin ng mga langgam. I closed my eyes trying to teleport and escape from this. But I failed, as always.

I was about to pick up the paper that I threw but the girl stepped on it. Kinunutan ko siya ng noo and she answered me back with an arched eyebrow. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong gusto niyang mangyari.

"Ako na'ng bahala dito," she said with a cheerful tone. Pinulot niya ang papel at nilagay 'yon sa bulsa niya. "Pumunta ka na sa room, matatapos na 'yung breaktime. Ayoko namang magbitbit ng tao sa guidance. Nakakatamaaad," pinahaba niya ang last syllable ng sinabi niya and nagkunwaring humikab.

Niligpit ko muna ang mga gamit kong nakakalat sa grass sa lapag at nilagay ko ang mga 'yon sa loob ng backpack ko. Agad-agad akong tumayo at tumalikod na sa babaeng 'yon na mukhang member ng student government ng school. Ayokong ma-late sa class dahil for sure when that happened, makakakuha ako ng mga unwated attention. Though, lahat naman ng klaseng attention, ayaw ko.

*

"...It doesn't matter if you'll perform, show us your painting, let us watch an original film, present to us a photography or literary works, and such. As long as that artwork will give us a glimpse about yourself. The art showcase will be at the end of the month, and I think an almost-three-weeks preparation is enough. Good luck everyone!" That was the last reminder of Mrs. Alejandro before she went out of our room.

I closed my eyes to digest all the things she had said. Of course, I should have been ready for this. Alam kong art school ang pinasukan ko, so obviously may mga ganitong klaseng extraordinary introduction in the class. There aren't a lot of students here, only junior and senior highschool and each year level only consists one or two sections, pero two or more person is a plural already. That's a LOT for me. Everytime I stand in front of plenty pairs of eyes, my cheeks and knees are shaking, my whole body feels like it bathed in a tub full of ice, and my hands are trembling. That's why I've never presented a report in the class during my junior highschool. But now, I will be presenting my art? I'm assuming not everyone will understand my artwork, maybe no one. And napakaraming mas magagaling pa kesa sa akin, my art will just look like a trash if put beside theirs.

I was interrupted in my thinking moment nang kalabitin ako ng seatmate ko on the left. Hindi ko maalala kung anong pangalan niya but I am caught by the mole on the tip of his nose. Hindi 'yon sobrang laki, pero mapapansin agad.

"Uy, anong gagawin mo para sa art showcase? Ako kasi, sasayaw ako. Hindi ko pa lang sure kung anong genre pero kaya ko naman mag-hiphop, folk, jazz..." He was using his fingers to enumerate those genres he 'can' do. And it looks like he didn't care if I'm listening or not.

Actually, it's disturbing na bigla niya na lang akong kinausap. We're not even close to talk with each other about stuff. Maybe may kailangan siya sa akin, like he'll ask me some favor or what.

He stopped from blabbing things I'm not even interested. "Nakakainis 'to! Alam ko 'yang tingin na 'yan." Jokingly, tinuro-turo niya ang mga mata ko.

"Wala lang talaga akong makausap, ok? Ang lalayo kasi ng upuan ng mga kaibigan ko, kaya wala akong choice kung hindi ikaw na lang ang kausapin. Don't worry, di kita bet. Di tayo talo, sis!" He sighed exaggeratedly and roll his eyes.

Binalik niya ang tingin niya sa akin. "But seriously, anong gagawin mo sa art showcase?" He looked at me intently habang nakataas ang isang kilay. I can say he's really curious. Nagpangalumbaba pa siya habang nakaharap ang mukha sa akin.

"Ewan. Parang ayoko," I said plainly then continued scribbling at the back of my notebook.

"Hala nahihiya ka, 'no. Nako! Walang magagawa 'yang hiya. Maraming masasayang kapag pinairal mo 'yan. Dapat d'yan mawala, at para mawala ang hiya, maging walang hiya!" He said in a high-pitch tone. Muntik ko nang takpan ang dalawang tenga ko, mabuti na lang at tinigil niya rin iyon at bumulong sa akin. "'Tsaka alam mo, maraming gustong makakilala sa iyo dito." He bumped my shoulder, pero nilayo ko din naman agad ang katawan ko sa kaniya.

I shrugged my shoulders. I don't even know myself tapos ipapakilala ko pa 'yung sarili ko sa ibang tao?