Unconditionally | Julian Edelman

Chapter 14

** Unedited

** Julian's POV **

"How you feeling man," Danny finally asked as we walked out of Gillette. He was shooting me worried glances all morning.

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him with a blank face. I could feel the hot tears at the back of my eyes. "How do you think I'm feeling? I've lost the only woman I've ever loved," I replied quietly. "Just because I'm too scared to fuck anything up. I-I wish I could be like you and be okay with that commitment... And figure it all out as I go."

Danny snorted. "It wasn't as easy as you make it sound, Jules. I-I know you've never been too good with relationships, but honestly, it isn't that easy. It took me a while to realize 'hey, I love this girl and want to spend the rest of my life with her'. Honestly, I didn't truly realize it until her second season with the Bruins. We'd just spent the entire summer together, and she went on the first road trip of the season with the guys... And... I realized that I needed her in my life all the time; that it would be nearly impossible to live without her... I needed her..."

I looked at him with squinted eyes, thinking for a second. His brown eyes were looking at me, full of concern. "I-I... Danny... Is she really leaving? When she came over I really did think that we we're going to talk it through, and patch up our relationship," I mumbled as I shook my head. "I... I just want her to be happy, Dola."

Danny nodded. "Jess dropped her off at the airport this morning. She uh... Made her way to your place and grabbed the stuff she really needed until she found a place and could arrange for the rest of her stuff to be sent out. I-I don't know what to tell you man. She's pretty set, like she's made up her mind," he said and shook his head. His hand moved up and was placed on my shoulder.

I shook my head, letting a few tears pull from my eyes. "I-I don't know if I can go back. Almost all of my memories with her are there. All the long nights, all of the sick days, all of the goofing around... Danny... How am I supposed to do this?"

Danny only shook his head. "Let's get you home, man. You need to relax and learn to adjust, sometimes it's the only thing you can do," he replied as he began to direct me toward his car.

***

When I got home, I nodded to Danny and made my way up the steps, unlocked the door, and walked inside the house. Initially, there wasn't anything different, but when I began to look around, I noticed the picture Vick had of her, Jess, Danny, and Bentley was gone. My heart began to crack.

I made my way into the bedroom to change into sweats and a hoodie. That's when it got worse, all of her clothes were gone, and her jewelry, and it was like there was no trace of her. Tears began to run down my face as I collapsed on my bed.

I shook my head as I rubbed my head down my face. "I'm such a fuck up," I mumbled.

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, and that's when something, I had no clue what, drew me to the kitchen. Maybe it was the dull ache in my stomach, maybe it was just my subconscious, but when I got there, there was a piece of folded notebook paper on the counter, with my name scribbled on it in Victoria's handwriting.

I furrowed my eyebrows and sat down on a stool as I unfolded it. The house key fell out as I did so, my heart began to break again. I leaned in and began to read it...

Dear Julian,

Let me start out with saying that I'm sorry. I really am. When I first met you, I'll be honest, I really didn't think that you and I would make it to this point. Our relationship is the longest one I've ever been in. It's made me so happy, it gave me a reason to smile each day; even on the bad ones. It's been amazing. And I love you so, so much for that. More than I could ever express with words.

That's why it hurts so much to walk away, from this, from us. It's been nothing but bliss, until this past month. I'd be lying if I said this past month wasn't draining, because it was. We've been together for so long that it just feels like there's still one more big step, which is marriage. And clearly, you don't want that. Up until the very end, I felt that spark every time we touched, but I feel like you don't feel the spark anymore.

If you never wanted anything, I can't help but feel like I've just wasted my time. The last thing I want to do is waste time when I could be out there working toward something that really could benefit me. I couldn't continue to sit in Boston and wait for something that was never going to come from you. It hurts, I know, but I think we could both benefit from this. You could go back to the small fling that you seemed to enjoy before we were together.

And now, this is where I will be able to finally be able to start a relationship, and be upfront about what I want. I'm sorry I didn't do that until the end, that's one of the good things I got from our time together, I learned about how things need to be talked about.

I'll say it one more time; I'm sorry. I wish you the best in the future. I hope you do find that person that you love enough to marry, enough to have kids with. Just know that no matter what, you will always have a spot in my heart, and I'll always love you.

Goodbye Julian <3
-Victoria

I didn't realize I was full on crying until my tears landed on the note, making the blue pen marks run.

"Jesus, Vick."

A thought popped into my head, and I hopped up, I had to get to her-- I couldn't let her walk away from what we had.