If I Were Perfect

The Smile I Wear

I push back my glasses, which are falling to the bottom of my nose as I lean down to pick up the books. I stack them back up, even after they've been kicked down multiple times by multiple people. Alicia. Mallory. Brad. Others, Alicia's back ups, who I don't know the names of. Because I can't just leave them in the hall. Not after they've been there for every tear I shed, to take me away to a safer place, where the peril you face goes away with the slash of a sword, the notch of an arrow. Where your defeats make you stronger, not weaker. I hold back my tears and wear my smile, not wanting to show weakness. Not in front of them. As I stand up with the books, my glasses fall. I don't pick them up. They are the brand of a loser. One weaker than the others. A show off. Nerd. Freak. Big eyes. Geek. Book worm. Scum. My vision goes blurry, and I fall again, but this time, it's not Mallory's foot that trips me. I stand up and collect my glasses, which are miraculously untouched by mud covered t-bars. I put them on, then collect my books again, finally making it to my locker. The lock clicks as I turn it to my code. 10, 28, 38. It unlocks, and I sigh in relief. It isn't safe at a locker. Not for me. Quickly, I put all but one of my books in, and grab my maths books, putting my bag in the bottom quickly, closing it. No one has materialised behind me. Today is a good day, where they pick on someone else. Mostly.

"Amelia." Mr. Copper frowns. "Late again." I nod, and mumble an apology before taking a the only desk left, next to Alicia. She smirks at me, promising horrors for the next hour and 40 minutes. Two whole periods. I put my books on the ground, because Amelia has taken up the desk. She's playing on her phone, elbows deliberately covering my half of the table. Flappy Bird. Of course. All the populars play it. Personally, I don't see the point. But then again, I'm not a popular, so I wouldn't understand.

Mr. Copper is writing the pi symbol on the board.

"Does anyone know what this means?" He asks. No one raises their hand. No one except me.

"Amelia?" He asks.

"Pi, sir." I respond shakily.

"Idiot. Pie is something you eat." Brad snickers.

"Not pie, Bradley. Pi. P-I." Mr. Copper says.

"3.14159.... I don't know the rest. I think the next number's two?" I say. Mr. Copper looks at me in surprise. Something else flickers across his face. Pride.

"Correct, Miss Cartright." He smiles.

"Show off." Says Mallory under her breath. I feel my heart sink, but continue to wear my smile. Mr. Copper doesn't catch her words.

"And what is Pi?" He asked.

"The circumference of a circle divided by its diameter." I say. Most of the class has no idea what this means, and continues to spitball people's backs, or play Flappy Bird. But I see one girl, one of Alicia's backup fools, who falters, and let's Flappy fall to the ground, then shakes her head and continues to play. After a moment, she turns around, and glances at me, but quickly drops her eyes. No use being caught looking at a loser. Might get kicked out of the gang. And then she would become a loser. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

Then we would both have to wear smiles.