Me and Him

Chapter 1

The Birds sitting on my balcony window were irritating me. For some the sound of birds was something of a soothing kind of feeling. It hurt my ears to say the least. I hated them. 

I hated how birds could be so happy in the morning, living lives of complete freedom. I didn't understand birds. How they could be vibrant and colorful on any given day , yet the only color you would ever see from me would be all the blood that flows from knuckles on basically an average day where I had become taken over by anger. 

I'm judged  everyday, labeled by the unknown. Almost as if I'm a new species that's been newly announced but will never have a real place in its society . I was losing all patience with my reality and I put it all on my parents. 

Although the only person who's blocking me from happiness might be myself I've always put it in myself to put on others what they would put on me. 

It's just how I grew up. 

With no fairy tale family I grew up raising myself. Knowing what's wrong from right came hardest because my family couldn't seem to stop doing wrong. You know those movies where the blonde always decides to  somehow come up with the dumbest place in the world to hide and that ends up being where everyone gets slaughtered , yeah that is basically my life story. My whole family and me we are literally a ginormous group of fuck ups.

Well what's left of us that is. My sister was killed in a car accident. She was driving perfectly because that's how she was taught. "Perfection is best shown when driving", or at least that's what my father taught us.

My dad always had us shown in the perfect light, he wanted us to grow up and have everything. He didn't want us to make stupid mistakes like he had during his own childhood. Not that he could have known but we turned into very well grounded people.

 Me and my sister were inseparable. We found enjoyment in almost everything when we were together. Our lives revolved around how each other was feeling that day and it went from there. We loved playing games , even though she would always let me win.

She died at 19, 4 days before her birthday arrived that upcoming Saturday. Me and my mom were already at home setting up her surprise birthday party because this was her first break back after being in college for three months.

We wanted to have her come back and we told her there was no rush. It had snowed earlier that day in blue county Oregon and there were road cleaners on basically every street and highway within 400 miles. It was going to be a tough ride but if anyway could make it I'm positive my sister would.

I had just finished putting up the last sign above the door with the words "Welcome back my love" written in calligraphy because that's what my sister was studying in college.

She wanted to be a calligraphy artist ever since we went to the fair at the age of 14 and 12 and she spotted the booth where they would translate your name into calligraphy onto a paper. She immediately fell in love with it and her love for it only grew. She would draw all over the walls for hours practicing over and over again , word after word.

My parents did nothing but encourage such behavior because you had to practice on everything to be prepared for the unexpected. She only started using papers when her walls and her ceiling no longer had any room. At this time she had reached the age of 17 and was a senior in high school, while I had just become a sophomore.

By this time she was basically a professional and had moved on to our brother Aarons room. She got accepted to the Academy of Arts in San Francisco on a full ride and I couldn't have been prouder. She left me with her charm, bracelet claiming she would come back to me in three months time, and she finally was. Me, my mother, Aaron and my father were all waiting by the door ready to surprise her.

We got a phone call and no one wanted to move afraid that Erica would soon walk through the door. I left my post at the door way and walked into the kitchen. In back of the cutting board sat the home phone and I picked it up.

" Hello" I answered.

"Hello is this the Manning residence?" a man I'm guessing questioned on the other side of the phone.

My eyebrows crinkled in confusion this man sounded poorly and not at all happy about a certain situation but how was I to know what situation that was.

"Yes this is the Manning residence what is this call about if I may ask."

" Yes of Course. We are heartbroken to announce that the family member Erica Manning is deceased . She was hit in a car crash and the police and believe it to be not accidental but planned. She was killed at 6:00 at night. We brought her in and her lungs had collapsed, we did everything we could to save her that didn't mean breaking the law but nothing we did helped. She told me to tell a Cobra Manning that " diagonal is the new forward." I'm very sorry for your loss. We will hold her here for 1 hour so that you and your family to say good byes but then we must arrange the funeral and the burial times, since she was killed in our watch we feel solely responsible. Ill get back to you when this time comes. I'm sorry, good bye."

I lost feelings everywhere in my body and the phone dropped to the ground. Tears burned my eyes threatening to come out and I had no energy to stop them. I heard a sudden scream until I realized it was my own and I suddenly passed out the pain and emotional distress being to much to bare.

That was a tragic day for everyone and it only ever got worse.

My mom quit talking to me and my brother, and my dad was working over time to keep his mind occupied. With no adult figure around my fifteen year old brother became a gang member. He was shot in a drive by and all he had on him was a bad of weed, the necklace that I bought him for his 13 birthday and 60,000 dollars in cash with a little paper stashed inside saying "I only wanted to help."

That was the last day I really knew my parents. They lost everything that could possibly make them smile besides me and they seemed to realize that for quite some time until something snapped. Dad quit his job and began to smoke more frequently than not. He would invite friends over from random clubs and watch football.

My mom locked herself in her room and would only leave to eat or to tell at dad to turn down the TV. School was terrible because it seemed like everyone knew what happened and I either got pity stares or chuckles. I didn't feel at home anywhere because home was where you felt loved and cared for which I honestly didn't feel. I had to grow up faster than I thought possible but it only made me stronger. I grew older knowing the do's and don'ts of society as well as the feeling of loneliness.

I lost my whole in family in less than a year and the sad part is I didn't do anything.

So I rewrote the description and the first chapter so please tell me if this is better or if it just sucks worse. I'm trying to do right by everyone so can I please get a least one comment on if this edited version is better or if I should go back to my other one. One comment that is it it would be nice for more but you know for me its one step at a time.

"When a plane crashes that leaves equal opportunity for survival from every person."

I made this quote hope you enjoy TforTaintedlove out!!!!!!!!!!!