Passion (On Hold/ Unedited)

Introduction

 Having to grow up with everyone always saying that you are nothing, a mistake, something that does not deserve to live, it's truly hurtful to the mind. That is how the mind set of always being worthless begins. Slowly, you start believing and stop fighting back. Until one day you finally give in. You start to pay attention to those demons that are always trying to pry into your head. They laugh at you like bullies in your mind. So have you ever felt pain? No? Yes, then you must understand the want to end the life that has no light. The life that was destroyed to you, when you were born. The life that is full of darkness instead of light. This is the actual meaning of a living hell.

Many people take life for granted, but when they see how hard someone else has it, then they become very greatful. And honestly that can be stupid to certain points. So what if your parents don't give a damn about you? It just gives you more freedom and no curfew. So what if people don't know who you are? Better because then no one has expectations on you. But what if you have an older sibling that you are compared to? Yea that's how the story changes, because if you don't follow into his or her footsteps you are unworthy of your family.

Now if you have a family that wished that you were dead that is a completely different story. They lock you in the basement, treat you like a worthless maid, and barely feed you. Funny how they don't care considering that the family that you are brought into should love you right... RIGHT?! Not the family that I have, it's not at all how they make them seem. I am abused every day. I am verbally and physically abused at home and at school. That is how I learned you can't trust anyone because they're trickisters.

Sometimes I wish that my life was not like this. I mean I never asked for this and I sure as hell haven't done anything bad. I guess that the big guy up in the sky just really doesn't like me or something uh... Life literally sucks from time to time. I mean life is not like the ones in a fairy tale book and you don't always have a happily ever after. But many people believe in it, I guess I just gave up hope. Honestly, who would have a happy ending after being broken more then one time. Life utterly sucks and I start to believe everything that my so-called family tells me.

And slowly, I start to hate them more and more until it turns into something dark something unforgivable. Abhor a strong word but that is the precise word that defines the hatred I have started to grow towards my family. Because everything I do is wrong. Sometimes I just want to yell at them "I'm sorry that I am Not fucken perfect like all of you!" But let's be fucken honest who in the hell is perfect in this world apart from he who is mighty??Absolutely no one in this fucken world. 

And this my friends can lead some people to commit suicide or to have some types of problems. In my case I really wanted to die a death that was suppose to be fast and painless, but that couldn't happen so now I live in a world that I wish would perish into ashes. You see I know I won't be loved by anyone. I mean who wants a broken toy? No one. If you are broken you will never be completely healed and some way you will always get hurt. Its funny because people sometimes ask me to smile so I fake smile because they won't know the difference, and when they tell me, "don't you have a heart," I just look at them and laugh. Simple response to their question, I don't have a heart. Why? Because how can I have a heart when it is completely shattered?? Exactly, that is not a heart so I do not have a heart.

With a broken heart you cannot possibly get more broken, but in my case there is always a way that I end up getting hurt. It's hilarious because you would think that I would have learned my lesson, but I don't. Stupid I know, but who wouldn't do anything to feel loved for even just a moment. Especially if all your life your were neglected and told you were nothing. However, what if one day someone comes into your life and changes the way you view the world. What if they can make you see the beauty of the world around you. If they can show you the world that has always been blocked. All the sudden you are willing to give up anything to see a little of the light that has always been blocked to you.

A world that you once saw as black and white turns into a world full of colors. You start to notice the little things such as the flapping of wings a butterfly does to the whistling of the wind and wrestling of the leaves. Everything turns into a world you really want to experience, a world that you don't mind being noticed. And it's all thanks to that special person. The person that taught you that there's more to life. The one that was there in one of your worst moments. However, there's always a catch and someone is meant to get revealed...

My name is Neffera Xayria(Ar·ia). I have thought of  suicide more then once until one day I just couldn't handle anything and tried to overdose with some drug that is known as "red." Funny thing was that this occurred during a family party and one of the guest came in to see me on the floor. Later, I find out that I was in a coma state for a little over two weeks. I laughed until the guy that saved me came into my room. I never thought that something good was going to happen to me, because nothing good ever happened to me. The only thing that happened in my coma state was that I could hear but my eyes were to blurred to notice the features on anyone. That was until all the drugs finally wore out and I was able to see...

These is of how a savior turned my whole world around....