Passion (On Hold/ Unedited)

Chapter 1: Invisible

Everyone has had a very good relationship with their parents, well that's what some of us would imagine correct? Well I guess, we are wrong because when my dad left, my mother turned her frustration and confusing to anger, and that anger was turned into hatred towards me. I never actually knew why she did that but her hatred towards me grew after she remarried, and her new husband hated me as well. Over the years I had to teach myself things that a parent was suppose to teach you. When my father left he forgot about me and slowly everything my mom said became what i believed. I believed i was useless, a good for nothing, and above all I too blamed myself for my fathers departure. I was probably four when he left and he never has contacted any of us since then. I guess I'm the one to blame all clues lead to me....

I loved my dad. You could call me a daddy's girl, but I always wanted to know why he left without taking me. I mean I was the one that took his shoes off after a hard day at work. The one that would clean his shoes and iron his clothes with my tiny iron. Or help him wash the car, but I guess that never mattered right? He left me while I slept. He left without a word or trace. He forgot about me, or was he tried of me. Tired of me always being there at his beg and call. Tired of me following him around everywhere. Tired of the girl that would heal the wounds from a difficult day at work. Yea that's it, he just got tired of me. He got frustrated that I chased him everywhere. Frustrated that a little girl looked up at him. He left so I was nothing.... NOTHING!

He wasn't there for me when I need him to make the monsters go away from my room. He wasn't there to stop the beatings. He wasn't there when I started getting bullied at school. He wasn't there when I wanted to cry. He wasn't there when I went to the hospital. He was never FUCKEN THERE! All those little sayings he said to me when I was little where utter lies. He said he would protect me. He said that no harm would come to me. BUT HE LIED STRAIGHT THROUGH HIS FUCKEN TEETH!

I hated that everyone kept lying to me that everything was going to be okay. Nothing was okay. Who would want to get beaten every day for no reason. Or who wants to be called useless. No one right. RIGHT?!

How about being compared to your older sibling(s)? They try to manipulate into their own little toy. They want you to be just like that older sibling. Or if they give up with you the just forget about you. Yea that happen like seven years ago....

I woke up from my slumber because my body heat was overwhelming. I walked out of my bedroom and looked for my parents. However, I didn't find them anywhere in our apartment. Luckily I knew where my medications for fevers were located. I took my medication and went back to sleep. But deep down my heart broke because mommy and daddy weren't here to take care off me like they do for my older brother. That night I fell asleep crying yet again.

In the morning I saw shopping bags with school supplies for my brother and he also received a new wardrobe of clothes for the rest of the school year. And what did I recived a fever and did anyone care no. No one cared that I was sick. In fact, I got yelled at for sleeping in.

I was envious of my brother because he got attention from everyone because he was the first son, grandson, and nephew. I always got kicked to the curb. Every where I go I was compared to my brother. I hated being his shadow and second in everything. My parents were never happy with me.

But that's life right. In life there are going to be people that are better then you and you just either choose to become better then them or submit yourself to failure. Well I tired to become better. I tired to become everything he couldn't be, such as the popular one, the better dancer, the better singer. Where he failed I was superior, but that didn't matter. The little fucker always held everyone attention and if it wasn't him it was the new baby of the family or the trip my godparents were taking this year. No one gave flying colors for me, I thought that if a random stranger was going to become homeless everyone would help them, but if I'm lying in my death bed no one would care.

You wanna know how I know no one will care, well let's just say that I have been at the ER before, and well no one visited. It sucks you know, knowing that no one cares and having a father that left just because he gave up. The worst mistake he ever did. Because a week had gone by when my mom made me get in the car with her and she wanted to kill me along side herself. But wanna know what made her jump out at the last minute, yea my brother and I was in the car going down hill. You heard me my own fucken blood tried to kill me. And that wasn't the last time my life was threaten. When my dearest mother got remarried, her beloved husband's got drunk and pointed a gun to my head but instead the pain I felt was on my chest. And guess who fired the gun? Yea my mother, isn't that bloody fantastic. And I go back to the ER.

Years passed and that continues, but I made a friend. He was there and he became part of my world. He protected me. He visited me at the ER when things got bad at home. "Ohana" he would tell me. "It means family. And family never gets left behind," he told me and kissed my head. He was my big brother not the one I had at home and smirked at me every time I was beaten. He was there for me. helped me through everything... Or so i thought. You know the saying Betrayal is never from your enemy but those that are close. Yea, you would think I learned my lesson and I don't. That big brother left. He left me just like my dad. So, every time i got beaten hoped that it would be the one to kill me. Funny right I was only fourteen and i wanted my life taken. Sickening no? A girl my age should never go through that. "La vida nunca se debe tomar como un juego pero mis padres asi lo veian. Un juego con la muerte un juego de vida. (Life should never be taken like a game, but that's how my parents saw it. A game of death a game of life.)"

A game.. a little fun.. a little trade.. a worthless life.. you should be dead. "Breathe," they said. "Obey," they ordered. "Fucken bitch," they yelled. Then the game began. The beatings. The Insults. LA MUERTE.

These people who I'm suppose to treat has family degrated me. They dehumanize me until I was nothing. Nothing. INVISIBLE. All this because I was fallible. IMPERFECT. I was not elite to them. Then the deals were made. Deals that to this day will hunt me. But I chant that the years will go by fast. And that all the pain I have gained returns to them but triple the painful and worse then it ever happen to me.