Current: Circa July 2018
To the girl who is no longer sad,
As it turns out, you were not as perfect as you lead on. When you and your boyfriend finally ended things, it was you who called it off let us remember that, you seemed to... for a lack of a better term
lose
your
shit.
Not that I can say I blame you because as it turns out, your boyfriend, that boy both of us ended up being so madly in love with, wasn't just screwing me. Fun fact my dear, you found that out before I did. Now you might say, well I was his girlfriend; however, I would dare to make the argument that you were his public girlfriend. I was the best kept secret, aka girlfriend number two.
You might be interested in knowing that his friends who did know about me sat him down and told him to chose one of us. In the end however, he chose neither. Although, I suppose, he did choose me. I did get off a two hour phone call with him just a bit ago. He is my best friend after all. Best friend is such a bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to him.
I'll fill you in on the timeline post breakup.
October: he talks to another girl; it doesn't go anywhere
November: he has a tinder. he doesn't speak to me for two and half weeks leading up to my birthday. He has anxiety, did you know?
Honestly at this point I'm sure you didn't. Speaking
of Novmeber. The day you barged into his apartment
to take your things back, he had a panic attack. It was
me he called to take care of him.
December: winter break. we talked on the phone a lot. it's sort of what we do.
January: he threw a party at his apartment. I was there. my best friend got too drunk. she threw up in his bathroom while I slept in his closet.
February: nothing notable
March: spring break. he played a show. my friends and I were the only ones there. we went to a concert together. he was like an overarching father figure.
April: he helps me move old furniture to my dumpster as I prepare to move out. we talk a lot.
May: we hang out several times. he keeps me sane. my friend tells him i'm in love with him. i'm forced to admit it out loud. He tells me he loves me, just not like that. we agree to pretend i'm not in love with him.
June: we call each other. we text. nothings changed.
July: he's been busy with work. we call each other. we text. nothings changed. I miss him.
If you're curious what happened to my ex, the one I told you I was so in love with, he and I are "friends." I use the term loosely. Realistically he leaches off me, takes me for what I am, and treats me like garbage. The same cycle that I was blinded to when I dated him has been revealed now that we're "friends." I know, that it may be hard for you to understand, but I'm actually a very compassionate and caring person.
Speaking of:
I heard you found someone new and I'm happy for you. I know that boy, he's a good boy. You should keep him.
Not on a tight leash or anything, he's genuinely a good one. Just keep him.
If you were wondering
I
am
painfully
single
You probably think it's karma and you're probably right. In my defense it's not for a lack of trying, but you see, I found my other half in your ex-boyfriend. He knows me inside and out, he knows my goals, my aspirations, my flaws, everything. However, he doesn't find himself "in love" with them.
I have been talking to myself about that for a while now.
The fact that he wasn't truly in love with me, or you, or anyone. He's not ready to be in love. Not really. I've been trying to tell myself that I can find myself in some other man, one like your ex-boyfriend. Someone who understands me and is in love with me.
However, a secondary timeline.
September: I met E, he was really great.
October: I continued seeing E.
November: E and I grew distant. I met A. A told me I wasn't good enough for him because our morals didn't align. I went back to E.
December: I continued seeing E. A stalks me until he finds a new girl to bother.
January: I cut things off with E. He couldn't commit to being in a relationship. I couldn't do the temporary anymore.
February: Nothing notable.
March: My ex-boyfriend overdoses after his new girlfriend leaves him. He comes back into my life.
April: I talk to my ex and your ex a lot. It's complicated.
May: See april. Add D. (not dick, believe it or not).
June: See May, add more conversation with D, growing closer
July: D tells me i'm his "best friend." I am shattered. I go for a long drive and listen to angry music.
So you see, it isn't for lack of trying. It's for the fact nothing is right. I have to blame myself for E. I think he knew that I wasn't fully ready to be in a relationship and commit to him. I've spent the entirety of the past year being in love with your ex-boyfriend after all.
Some advice I've received is to cut him out of my life. I can't. He keeps me afloat when my boat springs a big, fuckin, hole. He puts up with me. I think that's actually what it is, he puts up with me.
So, I am glad for your happiness. Maybe, after 7 years bad luck, I will find me.
Love Always,
Jolene
