In Between The Age Gap

CHAPTER 4

Days passed and di na naman sya nagparamdam. Mukhang kailangan ko na talagang masanay na magpaparamdam at icha chat nya lang ako sa tuwing nabobored sya o kaya namay kapag gusto niya  ng may kalandian lang.                                           

Syempre dahil ayoko namang magmukhang tanga sa kakahintay kung kailan ulit sya magpaparamdam ay inuubos ko na lang ang oras ko sa kakawattpad at pagbabarkada which is not my usual thing to do.                                                                  

During those time na  nawalan kami ng communication with each other I became that girl who seems to be a stranger with her own.

My  world became bleary and sad.How could I be happy if this only person that I  trust is nowhere to be found.It hurts really bad,it is like a  knife that stabs me to death.

I know this is cliché,how could I act like this when we never met each other.What we have is just a past time but damn it!I can't stop myself on falling in love with him.

Another month had passed and still wala pa rin kaming communication. This is something that drives me crazy.Shit,shit,shit!mahal ko na talaga sya and Im missing him like hell.I want to be with him,I want to know him better, I want to meet him.

**

Two months,sA loob ng two months marami ng nangyari at nagbago,pero iisa lang ang hindi at yun ay ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

As usual bawat gising ko ay umaasa akong isang araw ay muli nya akong maiisip.

Habang naghihintay ako sa kanya pinagpatuloy ko ang buhay na meron ako.I go to school every school day at 6:30 am to 5 pm.I'll do my best so that when he's back he'll be a proud boyfriend, yeah I did everything not for myself but for him.Stupid? That's not a right word to describe me cause I'm more than that.Maybe love hit me real bad and I didn't notice Im slowly losing my love for myself.

Nawalan na din ako ng time para sa family ko,I lost my focus,dahil ang, anging portante para sakin ay ang maging magaling so that maybe he won't leave me,he'll stay with me,hindi ko man kasi aminin there's a side of me na natatakot na baka isang araw magising na lang alo na ang lalaking hinahintay ko ay hawak na pala ng iba at di na babalik pa.

Para sa iba siguro ang oa ko na pero ito ang nararamdaman ko.

A friend once asked me

How do you see love?

It's something that makes me feel butterflies in my tummy

What  if  you didn't feel those butterflies inside, will you say it's not love?What if wala na yung kilig?Is it really the vision of love for you?

Love is also receiving time,effort,love,and respect from him

Then if that's so,what if mawalan sya ng time sayo for a reason that he never told you?What if  di na sya mag ecert ng effort the way he used to do?What if love and respect slowly fades away,pano kung yung respeto na yun di na dahil sa mahal ka nya kundi dahil sa babae ka?Love is an unexplained feeling,you don't just stay on the ideas of love because sometimes those ideas can be deceiving too,they can hurt you more than you deserve.

At sa sinabi nyang yun sakin I've realized ,if he's really a good man to love I don't have to force my self to be someone else just to make him stay.

Natauhan ako sa mga sinabi ng kaibigan ko at mas pinili ko na hintayin sya habang mas pinagbubuti ang pag-aaral ko pero sadya talaga yatang magulo ang utak ko at unti unti akong natanggal sa rankings ng mga honor.Mula sa pagiging top four ay napunta ako sa top bottoms at yeah it really disappoints me and everyone in my family.

Hanggang sa dumating  ang araw na pinakahihintay ko....

We again started chatting each other and it took me days to realize na panandalian lang ang lahat.

After three days nawalan na naman kami ng communication.Wala man lang syang pasabi kung kailan sya ulit magpaparamdam.But still I do love him.I'm still hoping he'll chat me soon.

***

Everything are going out of place right now.I couldn't take what to do or think,I've got