Rogue | Ava Starr AU [DISCONTINUED]

I | Life's Great Lie

THE WORLD'S DEADLIEST assassin dried her blonde hair off and left it to dampen her bare shoulders. Even people with irregular day jobs happened to perform normal tasks.

Her fingers slid across the file that had suddenly showed up on her apartment doorstep. How they had discovered her location was a mystery. In all the years she'd been a mystery to them, perhaps they had learned just a little bit. They being S.H.I.E.L.D. of course. Who else would they be?

A S.H.I.E.L.D. stamped file was never a good sign, especially since it collapse over two years ago. It was long expired, and what good was it to play with the dead?

"Natasha?"

The sudden mention of her name startled her, but she showed no emotion. Walking through her door, key and file in her hand was one of the only people she had ever trusted: Steve fricken Rogers. "Rogers. I see we both received party invitations."

"So you've read it?"

Frowning, she allowed her towel to fall to the floor. Luckily, she trusted no one and nothing, and had changed into her everyday wear in the bathroom. Steve was a close friend, nothing more. It could never amount to anything but.

"Well no. I was interrupted before I could make some coffee and sit down."

Steve slowly smiled and shook his head. "For a highly trained assassin, you're a terrible liar."

His teeth grin made Natasha feel warm. It was comfort and nothing more. Besides, everyone knew who Steve truly loved.

Swiping the file from the table, she opened it up and began reading allowed. "'All former S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are to be aware of the current situation regarding a former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent known as Ghost.' Funnily enough, S.H.I.E.L.D. never introduced this mystery woman to me, and I knew almost every secret S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to keep."

"'She has received the highest training we could provide.' What does that exactly mean? I don't put it past S.H.I.E.L.D. to train kids as weapons, but did they really just allow someone like her to walk around?" Steve asked, scratching at the stubble growing like clouds on his chin. It had been a number of days since his last shave. Too many things had been on his mind lately.

It was Natasha's turn to think carefully. "I knew that S.H.I.E.L.D. liked to think they were like Charles Xavier in taking the lonely and broken under their wing, but they never usually turn out well. This girl, Ava, was it? Well, she was most likely a product of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s mistakes, and we all know who winds up cleaning up those." She raised an eyebrow and smirked.

It wasn't terribly far from the truth, and they both knew that. The worst part was, Steve had retired two years ago, after the collapse, and Natasha had finally found a quiet place where she could live in peace. They had both built lives they had always dreamed of, and neither was quite ready to give it up for a stranger.

"Maybe someone else will take care of it this time?" Steve mumbled half-heartedly. He didn't want to have to step in to make right someone else's wrongs, especially when it came to hurting others. S.H.I.E.L.D. had ruined too many lives.

Natasha forced a smile. "Yeah, maybe."

Their eyes locked and a decision was made. The only thing left to do was find out whether it would be worth it.

______

"Hey sweetheart."

Pushing the stomach-churning words from her mind, Ava stumbled further away from the man sitting on the bench across the road. He tsked as she increased the distance, but made no moves to follow her, for once. It was a blessing and a curse.

Perhaps one day they would get too violent and end up potentially killing her. Sometimes, it's the only thing she wanted. But mostly, she just wanted to be free.

It didn't help that she would count the days since she last felt normal. It had been over eight hundred and thirty, and showing no signs of stopping. Torment was Ava's best friend, her only friend, and she was terribly miserable.

It was only a matter of time before S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to track her down, or what was left of it. The moment it collapsed, Ava disappeared, leaving no trace, or she hoped no trace. It was hard to know with S.H.I.E.L.D. They seemed to have eyes and ears everywhere, no matter how destroyed they were.

The idea of being constantly watched made Ava feel every more glitchy than ever before. It caused problems, and that was the last thing she needed on her cluttered plate.

To say her week old apartment was disgusting would have been an understatement. She tried her best not to spend every waking moment nestled in the rotting walls, but two years of hiding was slowly driving her crazy. What more could she do but waste away the idle moments, staring out the window to the street below?

All those people who barely had a worry in the world. They didn't feel the pain she did. Their sufferings didn't equate to hers, they couldn't possibly have. She was alone in her suffering, completely and miserably alone.

Clenching her fists, Ava rested her aching head against the wall. Two years. She was fading into nothingness, and the rest of the world had been worrying if Captain America would sign the Sokovian Accords.

Spoiler alert, he didn't.

It had been a week since she'd moved into the decaying corpse of a building, which meant the landlord would come knocking any minute. Her rent was due and she had no money. It was a miracle she had been able to convince him that she'd pay him once the week finished, rather than making an advanced payment. Most people in New York discounted her words as rubbish. No sane person would lease a room to someone who couldn't pay.

Ava had only scored the poorly furnished morgue because it had been a Saturday night, the landlord was drunk, and her dress had ripped a little too high. Recounting that night made her feel sick, but S.H.I.E.L.D. had taught her that she should use every available asset to achieve what she wanted.

That didn't mean it made her feel any better about herself. At least the physical pain didn't increase.

The rickety temptress calmed Ava into her arms, her voice high but soft. In her mind, she knew she couldn't stay another night, but the idea of sleeping made her eyes glaze over and her teeth chatter. The pain lessened whenever she slept, or so it felt. Willpower can be so strong when you deal the same thing over and over. Ava had learned that lesson many years ago.

But responsibility won over the siren call, and Ava slowly took off her stained dress, and zipped herself into her suit. S.H.I.E.L.D. had designed it when they first met her, lying through their protected teeth that it would decrease the pain, make it bearable. Like a fool, she had believed them. But once again, the power of wanting something so bad was one of her only comforts.

The rest of her belongings weren't even truly worth enough taking, but S.H.I.E.L.D. would be hot on her heels, and she couldn't leave any trace of DNA. That's what it had come to.

Pulling the last of her bleach from the small knapsack in the corner of the room, Ava squeezed her eyes shut and began to water the smell of her existence away.