Hermione
Sometimes, I wish I weren't a woman. Now is most certainly one of those times, but not because of my menstrual cycle, hair, nails, body, any of that. I can't control my heart, and my heart is the key to my head. I wish I could compartmentalize like a man can. Like he does.
He's an arse. I don't know where these feelings are coming from. He was berating me in the hallway, as he normally does, and at first, I hated him for it. I felt so close to tears, it was embarrassing! Something stopped him then. I'm not sure if he noticed how upset I was and felt a twinge of remorse, or someone bewitched him from a broom closet, but he just... stopped.
He looked at me, muttered a quick "sorry," then dashed off in the other direction. I wish that my heart hadn't leapt at his sudden act of kindness. I wish that I hadn't thought of that moment for the past several semi-sleepless nights. Magic is real, but I can't wish away reality- unfortunately.
Now, my pulse jumps every time I see him. I blush involuntarily when he looks at me, even if it's just to tease me. I wonder if he does it because he likes me? Mother always said that's what boys do. I don't have time to focus on him. Harry's got lessons with Dumbledore every night and Ron's got.... Well, Ron's got Lavender.
I suppose that leaves me free, doesn't it?
But that doesn't make it right.
The Malfoys are Deatheaters, Harry's convinced of it. That means Draco might be one too. If I were to catch serious feelings for him, then my ability to fight against Voldemort would be impaired. Because I'd be fighting against him.
Why do I suddenly care for him? It's not as if he's my entire world. I've fought against him for the past six years of school, I can fight against him now. I don't need him, I've never needed him. For the past several days, sure, I've wanted him, but that's easily fixable.
I look at him in Slughorn's class. He seems just as frustrated as I am that Harry is excelling so rapidly. Of course, I know the real cause for Harry's fantastic grades, but I've promised to keep that secret between Harry, Ron, and myself. No matter how handsome he may be, I will never give up my friend's secrets to him.
But he is gorgeous. I had never really stopped to appreciate it before this moment. I was always too busy loathing him or dealing with Harry. His blonde hair has a color that reflects innocence and beauty, but its style hints at trouble and money. His grey eyes are cold and unloving, but show his every thought. He'd like to think that he's closed and mysterious. He may be able to control his face, but I can read his eyes.
Whenever Harry bests him, his eyes become cloudy. Combined with his scowl or the baring of his teeth, he seems infuriated. His eyes suggest he isn't infuriated, but rather disappointed. He seems worried. Well, more intimidated than worried, I suppose. It makes me wonder what he might have going on at home. Is there a reason he feels he must be better than Harry? Is that the drive behind all villains? To be better than the heroes?
Villains and Heroes?
Really, Hermione?
This real life, not some fantasy book. In real life, your flaws are your only villains.
And You-Know-Who.
Perhaps Harry reminds Malfoy of his flaws. Harry is good and smart and strong. He was born with everything, had it taken away, then rose up again to prove his worth regardless of the obstacles he faced. It shouldn't be hard for Draco to be the same. But Draco is on the other side of the spectrum. He's a pure blooded bad guy. Harry is a purebred hero. Are the pure-blood freaks right in believing that blood amounts to everything?
