For My Dearest Boyfriend... Axel 💕

♥ Ai Shiteru ♥

Konnichiwa, my dearest Axel,

Where to even begin?

Yes, I know it is not your birthday, because it was months ago and I felt bad for not greeting you properly, or even Valentine’s Day, or any other special occasion. It’s just an ordinary day; a Sunday to be exact.

I am writing this letter for you today to remind you (and myself 😛) of how much I love you and how much I value our relationship and also because I just came to the realization that life has been extremely toxic lately and I have been selfishly choosing to focus on myself instead of us and our relationship. I deeply regret it. The months are slipping by and I tell you often enough that I love you, that my life would not be complete without you anymore. I don't know, though, if I've really told you how loving you has improved the quality of my life in so many ways.

I would first like to start off by telling you that never in my life had I thought that I would ever find someone who loves me the way you do. Not that I believed that I was incapable of being loved, but I simply could not imagine finding someone who could ever appreciate and cherish me in the way I only dreamed about. That is, until you walked into my life. You are constantly on my mind as I go about my everyday work at school or on my weekly working trip, either directly or subconsciously in the back of my head. You are with me in every single thing I do, and everywhere I go.

I want you to know how much I appreciate you. I may not tell you enough or show it because as you know, I am too shy. You do so many little things for me that go unnoticed even before. I wonder if you know how much I look forward to the simple things we share, like our talk over dinner at the end of a long workday, I really missed it now. It's a great stress reliever to tell you all the day's events and listen to you analyze why this happened, or why that person behaved the way they did, and then speculate together on how tomorrow will line up. On the weekends, I enjoy relaxing with you on our day offs, by just watching a movie, or by critiquing every aspect of my scripts and photos like professionals.

I want to apologize for the moments when I was blind to see what you do for me; I want to apologize if I have ever overlooked you. I want you to know that even when I am incapable of seeing how lucky and blessed I am to have you, I still am forever thankful. I love you more than words can say and I mean it.

I want you to know that your faith, trust and love means everything to me. You give me the truth when I need to hear it, courage when I need confidence, and love when I am flawed. There is no one else I would rather lay up at night and talk with about crazy stuffs that only the two of us could even think of. There is no one else who I would rather travel with, see the world, and experience new adventures with. I truly believe that there is not one other person in the world who gets my humor, my mannerisms, and my heart like the way you do.

You have given me a safe haven to be myself and not be ashamed of all of the parts that make up my whole being. You give me security that makes me feel safe and centered; a shoulder to cry on when needed and a hand to hold when I am somehow lost in the dark. I know that whatever life throws my way, I will be able to handle it because you are at my side. There is nothing that we could never face together. Without you in my life, I am lost and confuse. With you, I am capable of anything I set my mind to.

I want to thank you for giving me love when I am undeserving. For your forgiveness when I make mistakes or for unintentionally hurting you with my words and actions; for your unwavering faithfulness to our relationship. For your kind and gentle touch whenever you comfort me; for your ability to apologize when you are in the wrong and take responsibility for your actions. You have taught me so much about tenderness and unconditional love, even when it is hard to give.

I want to thank you for your continued support and faith in me as I journey through my personal endeavors. You have never once doubted me, told me I should give up, or told me that I could not do something. Your positivity and confidence in me continues to baffle me each day. I know that if I ever need a pick-me-up or someone to tell me, “Keep trying,” or “Don’t give up,” I know I can turn to you. You are my support system and my best fan; my motivation to push myself and always reach for bigger and higher goals. You have taught me to believe in myself and to appreciate my own worth, a task that is not always easy.

To have been loved and cherished by someone wholeheartedly is a once- in-a-lifetime opportunity. I am overjoyed that I am experiencing such a rare and honest form of love. Our relationship is my most treasured possession, and I will take this love with me everywhere I go.

If you ever feel like I am taking you for granted, please let me know by talking some sense on me. Let this post be a reminder of how I feel about our relationship and its worth to me. I love you deeply, and I always will, ever since the night we shared a drink at the bay.

Through the days and through the nights, thank you for always being there for me and I promise to be there for you too.

I hope this post somehow let you know the things I couldn't say, like how much I truly love and appreciate you... because right now,  you mean everything to me.

I am literally missing you right now and I am praying for your safety and please, always stay healthy. I love you 😘

Forever yours,

Ciel ♥