For My Dearest Boyfriend... Axel 💕

HBD, Boyfie!

Happy birthday, Axel! (I'm emotional, you know it and you'll definitely read it tomorrow!)

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, for everything. (I can't say it to you later because of the party and we will definitely get drunk so I'll write it here, right now!)

You are the person I did not expect to come in my life, especially at my worst.

You offered your handkerchief and asks why I cried at that bay area that time, even though you don't know me. You even dare to ask me if I intend to commit suicide, in which I am not, in all honesty. You brought some drinks and we shared it, we stayed by the bay and asked me anything about my life. You are one of the persons who literally made me talk that much, because all my life, I am fond of listening.

You started texting me, sent me e-mails (cause I don't have any social media accounts, aside from wattpad) and even asks my ID in Dota, just to keep me company. Then we started seeing each other once a month, until it becomes once a week.

I came from a heartbreak when you met me, but you made me forget all about it. You invited me to your house, to meet your parents and your daughter, who is so so cute. I love her.

Then you said your intentions in front of your parents. They were shocked, so am I. Of all the people, why me? Why a gay man like me?

You were shamed because of me. You also got hurt protecting me. That time, I had this feelings inside but I know that I can't be selfish. Your parents needed you and so is your daughter, so I refused your love back then. But you didn't stop.

You did find your ways to my heart. A sweet spot. You let your parents know me better, but I know they tried to be civil but then failed. You ended up alone with your daughter in your house as your parents flew to Korea to stay for good.

I felt bad that time. Asking how insensitive I could be. I grow up an orphan, and knowing you've been left behind makes me guilty. Maybe if you never met me, if you never offered your handkerchief back then, maybe you'll still have your parents.

Then your estranged wife came and took your daughter away. It hurts me more knowing she did it because of me.

Maybe I am no good of a person no matter how I try. In this society, a gay man will never be treated fairly and with dignity. They will label you with those comedians, the closeted actors, and those who always go to the gay bars. They will not judge you for what you've done, they will judge you for what you are. They only see me as a gay person, who was supposed to be in line with bringing happiness to people.

I kept my distance but you still insists on meeting me. When I got my first job out of Manila, you decided to come with me and be my bodyguard. You even modeled for me, for my portfolio. Having you near makes me happy, secured and loved.

It was our first monthsary when you met my friends and my volleyball teammates. You were surprised to see my ex around and knowing we are still friends.

You drank too much that time that you talked to him one on one. I am worried because I haven't seen you mad, but you came back to my side and just hugged me tightly. You cried that night and I didn't question why. If it was about me, I don't want to know it. I don't want people to pity my situation.

After that, we became travel buddies. We hike, we swim and we fly together since then. Thank you for being an amazing person. For being my anchor whenever I felt like I am lost.

Happy birthday, Axel! I wish you all the best! For your family, for your work, and for our relationship!

Stay strong and please continue to be my model! I can't find someone like you who models in exchange of a kiss 😙