Twelve Red Roses (a Tom Hiddleston fanfic)

Chapter 16- Jazz Dancing in Missouri

Tom and I returned from the bookstore at about eight p.m., and he (of course) offered to walk me to my room.

Rule #9 of The Gentlemen's Rulebook: Always offer to walk your special lady home after a date.

"I had a good time," I say with a smile, opening my door, but staying in the hallway.

"Did you?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. Wanting to know if I actually did have a good time, or if I was just saying it to make him feel better. I mean, isn't that phrase the international symbol for, 'wow, this date was terrible, but let's not hurt anyone's feelings'.

"I did," I confirm with a small laugh. "I could go into a bookstore any day, and I'd never grow bored. Thank you."

He smiles. A true, genuine, happy smile, like he is truly pleased with himself by the location of the date he chose.

"You do know what happens after a while when people go on dates, right?" Tom asks me, leaning against the wall lightly. It made him a centimeter shorter. A centimeter closer to me.

"What?" I ask. Though I did know. Or, I had an idea. And I wasn't sure if I was okay with it.

"Well," he starts. "Usually people go on a few dates. And then, after a while, things slowly begin to grow serious." He looked slightly embarrassed about the subject, as if he was afraid of my reaction. And that made me slightly offended. How did he expect me to react? Did he expect me to lash out at him for suggesting such a thing, or just smile and nod?

So I just smile and nod. "Yes, that's usually what happens. But, um... I think with us it's a little different."

"Different in what way?"

"Different, because you and I are just temporary. I mean, all love and life is temporary, but we're extra temporary."

He looked confused.

"'Temporary' because this trip is supposed to be, like a month or two," I add. "We move on to a new state every other day. And, you know, after these few weeks, I'm back to my hometown, and you're back to London. And then, maybe someday, I'll see one of your movies. I'll get Netflix or something. And actually try to pay attention to new releases."

He seems to have a blank expression by then, and when he finally opens his mouth to say something, it's as though his sentences caught in his throat. No sound came out, and he quickly shuts his mouth, possibly re-thinking his words and thoughts and sentences.

"I travel to the states a lot," he finally says. "I'll visit you often."

I smile at his attempts, but shake my head. "Oh, dearest Tom... That's the beauty of our friendship, is that it won't last forever. It will soon just be a memory. Memories that cannot be restored, and slowly become more blurry as time goes by. We'll continue to live our lives, and this time in the states together will become distant, and perhaps not mean a thing to us eventually. If you ever come back to Kansas, and visit that bookstore, it will all just be memories. And I think that's beautiful."

"In a heartbreaking way," Tom adds.

"Yes. In a heartbreaking way." A grin breaks onto my face. "But it's sort of awesome, isn't it? It's like some sort of novel. I've always wanted my life to be good enough for a novel, and it finally is."

He smiles, but obviously doesn't see the awesome-ness of our little 'tragedy'. "Well I am happy for you, Cass."

"Well what about you? Are you not happy about something?" I ask, frowning.

"I'll be okay," he assures me. Though I don't believe him for a second.

"Tom, you are an incredible friend, okay? I couldn't ask for a better guy. And I really do apologize that you got stuck with me as a friend." I smile. "Just... Smile. Life is good."