A series of crazy events

Earliest memories

I have been told that most people find that there earliest memories have there parents faces looming above them looking at them with love. Me, no my earliest memory is of loud voices screaming at each other I can't make out what but growing up I know one voice to be my mum but the other well I can't be certain but I think it's my dad. Well let's be honest I think of him more a sperm donor than a dad but that will be explained later for know let's just get through my early memories.

Honestly the memory is blurry around the edges but given that I must have been about a week or two old can't particulate blame me. Anyway the voices get louder and louder than a crashing sound erupts. The fear I remember cousins though by body made me want to cry but the fear of finding out the source of the sound kept me still. I think that I ended up somewhere in between. Ever have that it's your stood or sat with. You mouth wide open but nothing comes out like a silent scream. Well that was me.

Honestly though as the memory plays out. It just becomes more damming. Ok let's paint the picture of the memory. Wooden cabinets with a rectangular set back section and a pale green wall In The background. I'll never understand why they stand out do much but they always remain as clear as day. The shouting just gets worse and worse but then the larger built person I assume my dad grabs my mother and says something to her, each time that I relay the memory it is always slightly disrupted but along of the line of lets go to our room. Either way the memory end the same. My mum says now and when he doesn't take this as much of an answer she starts crying and shaking her head. I remember her looking in my direction, only briefly but enough for me to know even then that something was wrong. She looks back at him and stops crying and says she'll do it.  I remember how they both walked out of the room together, before hearing sounds. I don't exactly remember what sound they were but I remember that I heard something, I know that it seems strange to say but Its like I know something was there but I can't quite figure it out. I honestly always found this memory the most confusing it wasn't until I grew a little older that I understood it. After I got older I asked about sex. And although it was funny watching my mum get flustered at first. She sat me down and said "I'm gonna tell you something my mother never told me. I'd your partner wants sex and you don't then don't have it. Don't follow the advice my mother gave me and 'think of england'." It was then that I gained an understanding of what happened, she gave her husband what he wanted no matter her opinions on the matter.

I can never understand how a mother could give her daughter that type of advice. It's wrong, I'm sure you agree. How could any one- even suggest a thing like that.
I know at this point of my life the memories are highly not entirely trustworthy but they have been with my longer that I have known any better. They reside within everything I trust, there truth at this point is bi-da-bi.